L33T Ranma
by Black Dragon6
Summary: (Secondary) A Ranma/MegaTokyo crossover. Piro and Largo are stuck in Nerima, under the roof of the Tendo Dojo. Largo sees the potential L33Tness in Ranma, but can he be turned?
1. The Beginning of a Legacy...

L33T Ranma  
  
Chapter 1  
  
a Ranma 0.5/MegaTokyo crossover  
  
by Black Dragon  
  
Standard disclaimer applies. Ranma belongs to the all-powerful and most revered Rumiko Takahashi. MegaTokyo belongs to Largo-san and Piro-san. This was done on a challenge. Don't sue me or flame me, I'm only partially resposible for this.  
  
  
  
As far as continuity goes, the Ranma part takes off after the Mt. Pheonix battle and failed wedding, etc., and the MegaTokyo part right after Piro and Largo are forced onto the streets.  
  
  
  
L33T Ranma!  
  
The Beginning of a Legacy...  
  
  
  
*************************************************************************** *******  
  
  
  
"Man, this absolutely B1T3Z!" Largo whined for the umpteenth time and a half as he and Piro trudged down the street.  
  
The three had been quickly evacuated from the apartment after Tsubasa had left the country, and having no money whatsoever, had found it rather difficult to find a place to stay for the night.  
  
Piro looked tired, which mostly had to do with Largo's constant whining. Behind them Ping-chan was rushing to keep up, as she kept stopping to greet people or look at the merchandise inside store windows in that overly-cheery way of hers.  
  
"All right Largo, ALL RIGHT! I know this sucks, but it's not that bad. We don't have any money, but at least I have a job now. All we need is a place where we can stay for a week so that I can get paid. Then we can afford a cheap place until I can collect enough cash for a trip back to the states."  
  
"I still don't know why Junpei wouldn't let us crash at his place! Not even to a fellow L33T!"  
  
Piro glared at him. "Well, that would be because when you neglected to return his computer, Tsubasa ended up selling it with the rest of his stuff! You're lucky Junpei didn't fillet us!"  
  
Largo grunted, not acknowledging the explanation. "Not only that, but we don't have any beer!"  
  
Piro's head hung and he tried desperately to ignore the man behind him.  
  
Largo just tapped Piro on the shoulder when he realized the smaller man wasn't listening to him. "C'mon Piro, when can we buy beer? We lack beer, dude!"  
  
Ping-chan rushed up beside Piro, then glanced back at Largo. Is something wrong with Largo-san?  
  
Piro grunted before replying. There's lots wrong with Largo-san.  
  
"Beer dude! B33R!"  
  
Piro looked up at a street sign. "Hmmm...... Nerima district. MegaGamers is around here, so if we find someplace nearby, we won't have to pay for transportation."  
  
Largo thrust a fist into the air. "PH33R MY LACK OF B33R!!!" His tirade was cut short as Piro grabbed the front of his sweater and yanked him down so they could see eye-to-eye.  
  
"I'm VERY sorry, Largo, but you'll have to go without beer for a while. Right now, we've got very little income, and very much expense. We have to pay for food and shelter, and still save enough so that we can get home. Believe me, if I could afford to buy you beer, then I would, if for no other reason than to shut you up. But seeing how that is not the case, you will not be getting any beer, unless maybe a nearby liquor store explodes and you can sneak out a few cases in the confusion. GOT THAT?!!"  
  
Piro suddenly let go of Largo, and the larger man was sent sprawling backwards into some trash cans.  
  
Piro stood there in the middle of the street, breathing deeply in trying to reign his anger. Largo and Ping-chan simply stared at him stunned.  
  
P-Piro-s-san, are you o-okay?  
  
Piro was about to answer Ping-chan when a nearby liquor store exploded.  
  
  
  
*KABOOM!!!*  
  
Baksai ten ketsu!  
  
*BOOM* *CRASH*  
  
Eat this pig boy! Mouko takabisha!  
  
  
  
Piro watched in open mouthed shock as another explosion tore apart the next building, and a young man wearing a yellow shirt and black and gold bandanna was blown into the street they were on.  
  
Largo had paid more attention to the liquor store.  
  
"YES!! PHR33 B33R!!" he rushed into the remains of the building to loot it.  
  
Ping-chan looked around the street to notice that the rest of the people nearby hadn't given the destruction anything more than a glance, merely adjusting their courses to take them out of the crossfire.  
  
What the hell is going on here? Piro was just barely able to talk, still stunned by the display before him.  
  
  
  
The man with the bandanna, who had just plowed through a building's wall, quickly jumped to his feet and jumped up, only to be kicked down into the street again by another guy that appeared overhead. This one was wearing a bright red shirt and black pants, and had his black hair tied into a short pigtail.  
  
Ryoga (I think we all know who he is, so I'm just gonna use his name) got up yet again, and furiously tried to punch the other boy, but couldn't seem to get in a clean strike.  
  
Ranma, for his part, was simply dodging, occasionally giving a quick kick or punch when Ryoga left an extra-large opening. Eventually the lost boy backed him into a wall, and gave a single ki-powered punch right for his face. Ranma hopped up and kicked off the wall, landing behind his opponent as the fist tore through the brick with ease.  
  
Ryoga tried to turn around to attack again, but was stopped when he found that his fist was still stuck. He angrily tugged at the offending appendage, and the wall started to give way, large cracks spider-webbing from the deep impalement.  
  
Ranma smirked. You gotta learn to control your temper ya know, or else you might make a mistake or something. Then, before Ryoga could get angry enough to break free, he added. Mouko takabisha!  
  
The ki blast tore through the air and exploded on contact with Ryoga, shattering the wall and sending the lost boy into the ground amongst the rubble.  
  
Ranma crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head. He was about to turn around and leave, when a strange and excited voice rang out.  
  
  
  
"WHOA!! That was SW33T!!"  
  
Ranma whirled around to see Largo, with a tall stack of wooden cases next to him. Then he blinked in confusion. "Nani?"  
  
Largo shook his head, then thrusted his hands out palm first, in imitation of Ranma's manuever. "Just like a hadouken! You gotta do that again!"  
  
Ranma simply stared at him, unable to comprehend. He knew the man was a foreigner, and he was speaking English, but Ranma didn't know enough English to understand him, especially as he was speaking so quickly from being so excited. Huh? What'd you say?  
  
Piro, who was still partially stunned from the battle, suddenly felt obligated to translate. He... uh, asked if you could do that again.  
  
Ranma blinked again, then looked back at Largo, then finally to Ryoga, who was recovering from the blast. Under normal circumstances he would have been happy to oblige, but Ryoga was now harmless to him, and blasting him at this point would be like kicking someone while they were down.  
  
Ryoga started glowing a sickly green. Ranma noticed.  
  
'Oh, I guess he's not harmless then. In that case...' Mouko takabisha!  
  
The blue energy bolt hit dead center, and Ryoga collapsed into unconsciousness.  
  
"4\/\/50|V|3!!! How did you do that?!" Largo's eyes were shining as his vision panned from Ranma's face to his smoking palms.  
  
This guy was starting to worry him. Look pal, I'm sorry, but I don't know much English...  
  
Piro suddenly stepped in front of Largo and bowed. So sorry, he doesn't know any Japanese. He's also an idiot. I'm Piro, this is Largo, and the robot girl over there is Ping-chan.  
  
Ranma turned his head when he heard "robot girl", but quickly discerned that she looked fairly normal and lost interest.  
  
Piro waited until he had regained his attention. Forgive me for asking, but what was all that about? he pointed to indicate the general collateral damage, as well as the unconcsious Ryoga.  
  
Ranma just shrugged. Martial arts match. I'm Ranma Saotome, and that guy over there is Ryoga Hibiki.  
  
Piro's eyes boggled. That was a martial arts match?  
  
Ranma rolled his eyes. Obviously you're new around here. What brings you to Nerima?  
  
Largo was getting tired of not understanding what anybody was saying. "C'mon Piro! Ask him how he did the blue fireball!"  
  
Piro ignored him. Well, we're from America, but currently we're stuck here with no money. We need to find someplace cheap to stay at until I can make enough for a plane ticket.  
  
Ranma nodded. You came to the right place. Nerima has the lowest property values in the country. Some say the world.  
  
"Hey Piro! How do you say 'that move was 4\/\/50|V|3' in Japanese?"  
  
Again, Piro made no move to acknowledge his companion. He bowed to Ranma. Well, thank you for your time. We must be going now. turning around, he started to leave, when a strong hand suddenly held him in place.  
  
Hold it. I might know a place you can stay...  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
A few moments later, Ranma, Piro, Ping-chan, and Largo (who was hauling around a stack of cases of booze on a hand cart) stood in front of the Tendo dojo.  
  
"Hey, |\|1c3 pl4c3."  
  
Piro translated. He said it's a nice house.  
  
Ranma nodded. Thanks. It actually belongs to my fiancee's family.  
  
Ping-chan whirled around. Fiancee? You're engaged? That was odd. Ranma seemed far too young to be married.  
  
Ranma sighed and hung his head. It's... a long story. Several long stories actually.  
  
  
  
At that moment Kasumi opened the door. Hello Ranma. Who are your friends?  
  
Ranma indicated each of his companions. This is Piro, this guy with the hair is Largo, he only speaks English, and this is Ping-chan, Piro says she's a robot.  
  
Piro bowed and scratched his head sheepishly. Actually, she's a PS2 accessory, but, anyway... Piro really didn't know what to say next, so he looked hopefully at Ranma.  
  
Ranma understood and turned back to Kasumi. Look, they don't really have any place to stay for a little while, and seeing how the old freak is MIA, I thought that maybe we could give them his room for a few days.  
  
Kasumi put a hand to her mouth. Oh my, they don't have any place to stay? Of course they can stay here! I'll prepare a room right away! Oh, and we'll need extra settings for dinner! Excuse me, but does Ping-chan eat?  
  
Piro looked at Ranma. Old freak? Then he realized that Kasumi had asked a question and bowed in apology. Uh, not really, we just plug her into a wall socket at night and that seems to keep her running. Ping-chan nodded brightly in confirmation.  
  
Again he bowed. I'm very sorry for freeloading and intruding on your home, but we only need a week before I can get paid at my new job, and then we can afford a place of our own.  
  
Oh it's no trouble at all! Please, stay as long as you like! with that Kasumi left to inform the rest of the family and make bedding arrangements.  
  
Largo tapped Piro on the shoulder. "So what's the deal man? Can we crash here or what?"  
  
Piro nodded. "Hai. I mean, yes."  
  
"S\/\/33T! Help me with my beer, would ya?" Piro sighed and assisted Largo with transporting his liquor.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
The reactions to the new houseguests varied. Nabiki and Soun were quickly upset at the prospect of more freeloaders, but that had simmered down to reluctant submission as soon as they learned that the two men were not martial artists.  
  
Genma ignored the whole occurence. It wasn't his house, after all.  
  
Akane was initially fuming at the sight of Ping-chan, immediately assuming that she was another one of Ranma's "girlfriends". After a while though, it was clear even to her that there was nothing at all between them, and that they mostly just ignored each other.  
  
Kasumi, was, of course, Kasumi, and was only happier at the prospect of more guests. After telling everyone and making extra preparations for dinner, Kasumi left to move all the lingerie from the second guest room into the attic. She hoped grandfather Happousai wouldn't come back while the Americans were still here. Otherwise, he'd no place to sleep!  
  
  
  
So, uh, Piro was it? Tell us a little about yourself. Akane decided she might as well get to know these two better since Ranma had dragged them under their roof. Naturally, if either one of them turned out to be perverts, they'd be moving out a lot sooner than planned, via Akane air.  
  
Piro scratched his head and rehearsed his speech in Japanese to make sure he didn't mess up. Well, there's really not a lot to say. I just recently graduated college, I'm from America, and I'm very interested in Japanese culture. Me and Largo came to Japan after a little...... um, accident, but unfortunately spent too much money to make it back home. Up until today we've been living at a friend's place, but he recently left the country to pursue a lost love. Oh, I also just got a job at Megagamers.  
  
Ranma nodded, then gestured to Largo. How about you?  
  
Piro turned to Largo. "He wants you to tell them a little about yourself."  
  
Largo grinned, then stood up. "First of all, inform them that I am the ultimate L33T master of all FPS, RTS, RPG, and one-on-one combat games, that my life has been a constant struggle of ph33r and +3rror, as sometimes I am forced to confront evil even without the aid of beer! I am the teacher of Junpei the L33T! I AM LARGO!!"  
  
Ranma and Akane stared at him as he posed dramatically, one fist thrust into the air above them, and wondered what the hell he just said. Akane knew more English than Ranma, but Largo's command of the language, plus constant use of acronyms, totally threw her off.  
  
Piro turned to them. Largo is an idiot. He's a total mental case that I took pity on and managed to pry out of his padded room in time to take him on a quick trip to Japan. He seeks moral guidance from an imaginary hamster. He also plays a mean game of King of Fighters.  
  
Ranma and Akane nodded. They had plenty of experience with nutcases.  
  
Largo looked at Piro. "How come you look at me every time you say 'baka'? What does that mean, anyway?"  
  
Piro once again ignored him. What about you Saotome-san?  
  
Ranma grunted. Just call me Ranma. As for my life, well, since you're gonna find out eventually anyway, I might as well tell you about Jusenkyou......  
  
  
  
15 minutes and a lot of tiring translation later......  
  
  
  
Ranma glared at Largo as yet another glass of cold water was dumped on his head.  
  
  
  
"Dude! That's amazing! He can throw ki blasts and he's a hermaphrodite!"  
  
Piro sweatdropped. "Uh, not really. It's a curse, remember?"  
  
Largo nodded sagely. "Ah, yes. Obviously this man is yet another victim of all the 3V1L around here." he clapped Ranma on the back reassuradely. "Wow, than that means that those are real!"  
  
Ranma looked up at Largo, wondering how he attracted so many weirdos and what had made him think to invite them to stay, even if for a little while.  
  
Piro yanked Largo away from Ranma. "That's enough Largo. Remember, we're guests here, and they can throw us out any time they want." He bowed to Ranma. Thank you again for letting us stay. I'll try to repay you somehow.  
  
Ranma just waved off the comment. Just don't break anything expensive and you can consider the debt repaid in full, okay?  
  
Piro blinked, then nodded happily before leaving. 'Hmm... I'll have to have a talk with Largo.'  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
Piro wearily put away the few changes of clothes he owned into the little box near the corner. In truth, he was just tired though. Running into Ranma, even if they had been almost reduced to collateral damage, had been a remarkable stroke of luck.  
  
Suddenly, Piro sensed a presence near his shoulder and sighed. "Hey Seraphim. Come to chew me out for freeloading?"  
  
The two-inch winged girl in a miniskirt that served as his conscience rolled her eyes before lighting up a cigarette. She took a deep drag, then let the smoke out in a wavy cloud above her.  
  
"Actually Piro, I was going to congratulate you on your dumb luck and concern about Largo ruining things, but if you want, I have a nice two- hour lecture on how it's not right to burden strangers memorized from a training session in New York."  
  
Piro looked surprised. "So why are you here?"  
  
Seraphim floated in front of him so she could look him in the eyes. "You had the right idea when you gave Largo the lecture on Japanese manners and proper guests' behavior. The problem is, that doesn't mean jack to the moron. I know that you're not going to take advantage of these people or disturb them any more than you already have, but you've introduced Largo into a foreign environment here."  
  
Prio blinked. "Japan is a foreign environment to Largo."  
  
Seraphim raised an eyebrow. "And how has he fared so far?"  
  
Piro sweatdropped. "Uh, well...... there were a few incidents, but he seems to sorta like it here......"  
  
"He burned down a hardware store, got hit by a bus, groped a cosplayer, attacked a nightclub, went to jail, and even destroyed a quarter of Tokyo with Rent-a-zilla."  
  
Piro's sweatdrop grew, and he gulped. "Uh... well, he meant well... sort of......"  
  
Seraphim sighed. "I tried to give Boo new instructions, but I'm not sure it'll help much. That pathetic rodent is useless, even without the language barrier."  
  
Piro blinked. "He can communicate now?"  
  
Seraphim nodded. "Yup! I enrolled him in a signmaking class for sentient animals and Jusenkyou victims."  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
"Squeak!" [Largo! Pay attention!] Boo was honestly trying his best, but his speed at generating signs, coupled with his limited mastery of hammerspace and Largo's nanoscopic attention span, made his task all but impossible.  
  
"Ah, good booze! I'm glad they have imported stuff, that sake junk is just awful!" Largo took another sip from the bottle as he walked through the hall to his room that he shared with Piro. Entering, he saw his companion talking to the older chick in the apron.  
  
  
  
But should she really stay in here with you two? It just doesn't seem proper.  
  
Piro shook his head. It's all right, really. All she does is plug into the wall and then go to standby mode. It's not like she'll be undressing or anything. Me and Largo will be on our best behavior, I promise!  
  
Ping-chan nodded. I'll be fine Kasumi-chan! Piro's nice!  
  
Kasumi smiled at the young robot girl and excused herself from the room. She wasn't totally convinced, but if Ping-chan was she saw no reason to press the issue.  
  
  
  
Largo passed right by her and stopped in front of Piro. "Hey Piro, where're these peoples' gaming setups? I've got an itch for some MvsC2! Or maybe some Onimusha! Do you think they have a multiplayer connection for Quake 3?" Piro suddenly cleared his throat, which was enough to attract his attention.  
  
Piro glared at him. "Largo, listen. This is a dojo. Chances are they don't even have a computer. I've taken a quick look around, and I'm positive they don't have any gaming systems."  
  
Largo gaped at Piro. "No gaming systems?! What the hell are we supposed to do all day?! Why I'm just gonna go-"  
  
Largo turned around to leave, and had almost made it when he noticed Boo squeaking furiously and waving a sign that said [Wait! Stop!] in front of his face. He stopped just long enough for Piro to catch the hood of his sweater.  
  
Piro dragged him up close, then stared him directly in the eye. "You are NOT going to complain about the lack of electronics. We are in a Japanese household, and the Japanese are very big on manners. To demand anything of a host that has no reason to trust you and has taken you in without payment is very bad manners. Do you want to get thrown out on the street again?"  
  
Boo squeaked angrily and thrust another sign in fron of Largo's face. [Yes! Listen!]  
  
"B-but, how does Ranma know the hadouken if he doesn't play games?" Largo stammered.  
  
Piro grunted. "I don't know. It wasn't even the hadouken, he called it the 'mouko takabisha' or something. Anyway, Ranma's a martial artist, and we've heard what his life is like. Between training and fighting, when would he have time to play games?"  
  
  
  
Largo stared at him, and then comprehension suddenly dawned on the young man. At first Piro didn't know what was going on, so rare was the appearance of this expression.  
  
Largo shot up from his kneeling position on the floor, startling Piro backward and tossing Boo off his shoulder. He raised a fist to the air and a lone tear slowly slid down his face.  
  
"Of course! How could I be so blind! I am here for a reason!!"  
  
Piro blinked. "You are?"  
  
"YES!! Ranma, the totally 4\/\/350|\/|3 martial artist, cursed with a hot female bod and cruelly deprived of such titles as Street Fighter and Half- Life, crosses paths with me, the master of the L33T! Obviously God Himself has marked this chapter of my life, and it is therefore my God-given duty to ascend Ranma, and make him L33T!! Junpei was the first, but Ranma shall be my true heir! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!"  
  
Piro gulped. "You-you're not serious, are you? ........... Crap, you are serious."  
  
"All will learn to PH33R LARGO AND RANMA, THE TRUE L33T!!!"  
  
  
  
Seraphim poofed back into existence, then sighed and leaned back against Piro's ear. "I warned you."  
  
Piro whimpered and fell back onto his futon as Largo kept laughing maniacally. "What should I do?"  
  
"Work the language barrier a little bit, try to discourage him. I've also got some help to run damage control on Ranma's side, though I'm not sure how reliable she'll be. I hate these lazy temp workers." She threw a glance at Boo who was still on the floor trying to regain Largo's attention, and the hamster shrunk back under the hardened stare.  
  
Piro looked at her. "What sort of help?"  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
Ranma was doing his usual evening meditations that he did whenever he didn't have a challenge or fiancee-saving quest to attend to. As he was upside down at the time, he didn't immediately recognize the tiny figure that suddenly appeared and approached him.  
  
Wow! How do you do that?  
  
Ranma blinked, then flipped himself over. Then he stared at the winged two- inch girl before him dressed in a sweater and jeans. Uh... hello there. You wouldn't have anything to do with that whole Pheonix Mountain/Jusendo incident, would you?  
  
The girl blinked at him. Nope, never heard of it. Anyway, I'm-YIPE!! the girl tripped over one of the minute cracks in the dojo floor, falling flat on her face, and sending her two long blond ponytails (Hint! Hint!)scattering in a wide fan.  
  
Ranma sweatdropped and gently picked up the tiny girl from off the floor and held her gently in his palm. To most other people the situation might have seemed completely surreal. To Ranma, it was only slightly weirder, though a lot tamer, than normal.  
  
The girl stood up quickly, and scratched her head as she blushed in embarrassment. Hi! I'm Usagi, and I'll be your new conscience!  
  
Ranma stared at her. Then he sighed forlornly. All right, whatever. 'At least it's not another fiancee.'  
  
  
  
*************************************************************************** *******  
  
  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
Well, what do you think? Should Ranma become L33T? Should Akane become Zilla food? Should Ping-chan become engaged to Ranma? Should Boo finally get a full-time contract complete with a month vacation and full medical and dental? Should Seraphim give up and go back to trying to keep Donald Trump out of trouble? Stay tuned!  
  
C&C appreciated. As for flames......  
  
Usagi's head pops up, "Flames aren't nice! You shouldn't send flames!" Boo appears and writes up a sign, [Yeah, what she said!] Sq33k! 


	2. B33r, F1a|\|c335, & L33Tness...

L33T Ranma  
  
Chapter 2  
  
a Ranma 0.5/MegaTokyo crossover  
  
by Black Dragon  
  
Standard disclaimer applies. Ranma belongs to the all-powerful and most revered Rumiko Takahashi. MegaTokyo belongs to Largo-san and Piro-san. This was done on a challenge. Don't sue me or flame me, I'm only partially resposible for this.  
  
  
  
As far as continuity goes, the Ranma part takes off after the Mt. Pheonix battle and failed wedding, etc., and the MegaTokyo part right after Piro and Largo are forced onto the streets.  
  
Key: Words in " " are English or untranslated Japanese, [ ] are signs or writing, { } is Japanese, ' ' are thoughts, ( ) are comments. Sorry about the new signs for Japanese, but I'm messing around with new formats ^_^  
  
  
  
L33T Ranma!  
  
Part Two  
  
B33r, F1a|\|c335, & L33Tness...  
  
  
  
*************************************************************************** *******  
  
  
  
"Dude, wake up! Come on Piro!"  
  
Piro just mumbled in his sleep and buried his head deeper into his pillow as Largo shouted into his ear. What business that moron had getting him up at this hour was beyond him.  
  
Suddenly his mind was forced awake and alert, as his body rolled off of the futon and onto the ground.  
  
Largo tossed away the futon triumphantly. "Great! You're up! Come on dude, let's go!"  
  
Piro stared at him in silence. He knew he shouldn't ask, he really did, but decided it was better to just get it over with. "Go where?"  
  
Largo blinked, then sighed. "Have you forgotten already? We must make Ranma L33T, remember?"  
  
Piro stared at him some more. ".......................... No. Gimme back my futon."  
  
He was about to make a lunge for his makeshift bed, when Largo stepped in front of him. "C'mon man! Look, I would rather not have you there myself, but you're the only one who knows their stupid language. I need you to translate."  
  
Piro rubbed the sleep from his eyes and glared at him. "Largo, I don't need this now. I didn't get much sleep last night, and at 9 I have to leave for work, anyway."  
  
Largo frowned. "Work? How can you help me if you're at work?"  
  
Piro gave him a look. "My point."  
  
Piro yawned again, then snatched up his futon and started to set it out on the ground, when a thought suddenly occured to him.  
  
"Uh... I may regret asking this, but what exactly is involved in making someone L33T?"  
  
Largo grinned. "Simple. Games. Lots and lots of games. And I mean real games, not those wussy dating games you play. Although it takes a certain kind of person for L33T1F1C4T10|\| to work."  
  
Piro stared at him. "Aren't you forgetting something?"  
  
Largo blinked. "What?"  
  
Boo suddenly popped into existence on his shoulder and held up a sign. [No PS2. No Dreamcast. No PC.]  
  
Largo blinked. "What? They're a Nintendo family?"  
  
Piro and Boo facefaulted. It was a lot more painful for Boo, since it sent him on a 5 foot trip to the ground.  
  
"Have you forgotten our entire conversation yesterday? They don't have any gaming systems here." Piro stared at him incredulously.  
  
Largo opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. Eventually he settled into a thoughtful pose.  
  
"Hmmmm... you're right. That might make this difficult. I must go meditate on the subject."  
  
Largo turned and left the room, then stopped, went back to get Boo, and then left again.  
  
  
  
Piro yawned again, then snuggled back under his blanket onto the futon.  
  
*Poof*  
  
Seraphim glanced dubiously at the door. "I have a bad feeling about this."  
  
Piro sighed deeply. "Oh, come off it. As long as he has beer and a problem to keep him occupied, he can stay out of trouble. Besides, I've got work. Can't do a thing about it." He closed his eyes and pulled the blankets up tighter.  
  
Seraphim jumped off his shoulder, then sat down on the edge of his futon and lit up a cigarette. "Speaking of which, it's already 8:20, and Kasumi has breakfast out already. You might want to get up and take a bath real quick." She smirked as she felt the weight on the futon shift, and the door to the bedroom slam shut.  
  
Taking another quick puff, she tossed her cigarette away, then walked over to where Ping-chan was kneeling, her empty eyes betraying her current power status.  
  
Seraphim jumped up her arm, then made her way to the robot girl's shoulder and flipped a switch behind her ear.  
  
Ping-chan's eyes shot open. {Hmm? Piro-san? Largo-san?} seeing nobody, she eventually found Seraphim leaning on her neck.  
  
{Hey, I know you! You're that tiny girl that yells at Piro all the time!}  
  
Seraphim raised an eyebrow. {Name's Seraphim, honey. Listen, Ping, we're gonna be doing some detective work today. You up to it?}  
  
Ping-chan blinked, then nodded happily. {Okay!} turning around, she disconnected her power cord before bringing Seraphim up on her shoulder  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
{Did you sleep well, Piro-san?} Kasumi laid out a bowl of miso soup before him, which he accepted gratefully.  
  
{Yes, thank youk Tendo-san.} It wasn't true, but then, he was only trying to be polite.  
  
  
  
Over at the other end of the table, Ranma seemed to be having a conversation with himself. Upon closer inspection, it would be revealed that he was in fact talking to a tiny girl on his shoulder. However, nobody at the table was totally unused to such things, so they ignored it completely.  
  
  
  
{But how am I not supposed to fight? People keep attacking me!} Ranma was sitting at the opposite end of the table from Genma, so for once he was actually enjoying a meal.  
  
Usagi frowned. {Use your words. Talk to them, find out what their problems are and try other ways of solving them.}  
  
Ranma downed the last of his miso soup. {Their problem is that I'm ALIVE. There's only one way to solve that, unfortunately.}  
  
Piro got up, thanked Kasumi, and left. Usagi's forehead wrinkled in thought.  
  
Finally, Nabiki got curious enough to ask. {Who's the little lady, Saotome?}  
  
Ranma turned to her. {She's my new conscience. Usagi, meet Nabiki Tendo.}  
  
Usagi gasped. {Wow, you're THE Nabiki Tendo?! An entire 1/3 of our company quit because of you!}  
  
Ranma struggled to hold in laughter. Nabiki frowned.  
  
{Well, that's what happens when you have a company run by purely ethical beings. I'm surprised it's still in business. I thought other people couldn't see someone's conscience, though.}  
  
Usagi blinked, then groaned and pulled out a small book entitled 'Moral Guidance: For Dummies'. {Ooooh... did I mess up already? First day on the job too......}  
  
Before anyone could continue, Kasumi interrupted the conversation. {Has anyone seen Largo-san? He hasn't come down for breakfast.}  
  
Akane nodded. {I saw him leaving the house when I took my jog this morning. He had the cutest little hamster on his shoulder too!}  
  
Usagi tossed away the book. {Never mind! I guess it's okay then!}  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
Largo absently took a sip of beer as he plodded down the sidewalk, a little wagon full of more booze and a pile of ice right behind him. Boo lay on his shoulder, totally wasted, having had his fill of beer already.  
  
Largo was pondering over a problem. The problem was that he lacked games and gaming systems. Without them, he could not make Ranma L33T.  
  
Most people would've simply given up and gone home. But Largo was better than that. He wasn't going to let such a minor obstacle stop him.  
  
Besides, his home was several thousand miles across the Pacific ocean.  
  
"Now let's see...... how do I get phr33 g4|\/|3z? If Junpei was here I could just borrow some... hmmmm......" he took another sip of beer. Beer always helped him think. Or at least didn't make him think any worse. He forgot which one it was.  
  
Largo stopped, and suddenly looked at the beer he was toting around. Inspiration hit. "Wait! I got free beer, right? How did that happen?"  
  
He looked toward Boo. Boo looked up for a moment, before comprehension dawned. The miniature giant space hamster began writing clumsily on a sign, then held it up.  
  
Largo had to squint to read it. "Huh? 'Liquor store exploded'? That's right! So all I have to do is hang around a gaming store and wait for it to explode!" Largo quickly looked around and located one next to a fortune- telling booth and a golf shop. (Possible important plot device? ..................................... Nah.)  
  
Boo struggled to work through Largo's logic, the alcohol clouding his normal thought patterns. He held up a sign. [Chances of that happening?]  
  
Largo blinked. "Ah...... I don't know. I've never been good with numbers."  
  
  
  
{Baksai ten ketsu!} The wall of the shop exploded outward, and Ryoga stepped through, lost as usual.  
  
  
  
Boo stared in disbelief. Largo grinned triumphantly as he entered and started to collect various gaming items.  
  
"Lessee.... Playstation 2, Sega Dreamcast, Game Boy Advance...... now for some games and accessories!" Largo turned to the proper area, only to find the items locked behind a glass door.  
  
Largo was about to go search for the key, when someone tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around.  
  
"Hey, you're the dood that was fighting Ranma before!"  
  
Ryoga stopped, then growled as he heard the name "Ranma". {Where is Ranma!}  
  
Largo blinked. "Sorry dude, me no speaka le Japanesa."  
  
Ryoga scratched his head as he tried to figure out what this guy was saying. He had picked up a little English on the several occasions where he had gotten lost in the U.S. and Britain, but this guy was speaking very oddly. "Me sorry. Where Ranma?"  
  
Largo stopped for a moment, then frowned in deep thought. Then, just as Ryoga had figured he had screwed up the message and was about to leave, Largo clapped him on the shoulder.  
  
Largo pointed to himself. "Me show Ranma if you break glass." 'Ignorant barbarians.'  
  
He pointed to the glass case, and made a punching gesture. Ryoga understood, and smashed the case easily.  
  
Largo briefly wondered what Boo was trying to tell him this time as he started loading the games into a shopping cart. Something about stealing. Oh well, he'd worry about that later.  
  
Ryoga waited none-too-patiently as Largo finished "shopping". "Where Ranma?"  
  
Largo put the gaming systems in the cart, then shoved it into Ryoga, who grabbed it. "You carry. Largo show Ranma. Understand?"  
  
Ryoga grimaced, but nodded. He hated being used as some kind of pack animal, but this guy knew where Ranma was, so he didn't really have a choice, unless he wanted to search for another 2 weeks, which he didn't.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
Largo entered the house as Ryoga stood outside. "Yo! I'm home! Anybody here?"  
  
Kasumi opened the door and bowed. {Ah, you're back.} stepping back, she gestured for him to enter.  
  
Ryoga stared at him as Largo grabbed the cart, then pulled it into the house. Largo turned back to his porter, annoyed. "What's wrong with you? I took you to the dojo, didn't I?" Largo wheeled the cart into the living room, leaving large black marks on the freshly polished floors.  
  
Kasumi blinked. Oh dear! She'd have to mop again.  
  
Ryoga shook his head at the gaijin's stupidity. He'd never been very predjudiced, as he met with foreigner frequently and most of them weren't that bad, but he was beginning to think that some of the things he heard others say about Americans were true.  
  
Looking around, the eternally lost boy decided to sit around and wait, seeing how he might get lost again if he moved. He didn't have to wait long, as Ranma's form was soon visible sailing overhead.  
  
  
  
Inside the house, Largo began connecting the various systems and adapters to the TV, ignoring Boo's ethical protests and Ranma landing outside.  
  
He began searching the titles as the sounds of combat started up in the front yard. "Hmmmm...... King of Fighters, Capcom vs. SNK, Marvel vs. Capcom II, Street Fighter 3rd Strike, Armored Core II...... Ugh, what's this? Kessen? Army Men? Junk. Lessee... Yech. Dating games. I'll leave 'em for Piro to rifle through. Ah, here we go! FPS! We've got some Quake, Half- Life, Onimusha... Sw33t! Resident Evil!"  
  
Largo left the room and went out to the front yard. As soon as he opened the door it was blown of its hinges, and he was nearly taken with it as incredibly powerful winds swept through the yard.  
  
Largo backed off for a moment, then watched as the winds died down to reveal Ranma in the middle of a crater, with a single fist outstretched.  
  
"Sw33t! Hey Karate dood! Ranma! C'mere!"  
  
Ranma blinked, then looked to see that Largo was beckoning him.  
  
As he walked over, Kasumi noticed the doorway was bereft of its door. {Oh my! Ranma, what are you doing home so early? Oh, looks like these hinges need to be replaced too.}  
  
Ranma scratched his head nervously. {Ah, Ukyou tried to feed me and Akane got angry. Oh, uh, sorry about the door Kasumi.} He was about to follow Largo inside when he felt a glare on him and noticed Usagi giving him a look from atop his shoulder.  
  
{Uh... oh yeah, don't worry Kasumi, let me take care of that.}  
  
Kasumi smiled at him warmly. {Thank you Ranma, but that won't be necessary.}  
  
Ranma felt the heat of Usagi's stare on his neck, daring him to accept. {No Kasumi, I insis-HEY!} Ranma suddenly felt himself being pulled into the house, and turned to see Largo dragging him into the living room.  
  
{What're you doin?} Ranma easily removed himself from the American's grip, then noticed the several gaming systems lying around on the floor. {What? Where'd you get all this stuff?}  
  
Largo sighed. "Man, for once I wish Piro was here. Look dude, I want you to play all these games, all right? You'a be'a understanding'a me'a?"  
  
Ranma stood there blankly. Then Usagi spoke. {He says he wants you to play those games.}  
  
Ranma turned toward her. {You speak English?}  
  
Usagi blushed and nodded. {Uh huh. It comes with the territory.}  
  
Largo blinked. "Hey, you got one of those consciences too, huh? Pretty cool, aren't they?" he watched as the tiny blond girl whispered something in Ranma's ear.  
  
{Yeah. Why do you want me to play these games?}  
  
"He asked why you want him to play these games."  
  
Largo grinned. "Hey, you can speak English! Sw33t! Tell him it's 'cause he must be L33T!"  
  
Usagi blinked. "What?"  
  
"He must be L33T!"  
  
"What's L33T?"  
  
Largo glared at the little girl on his apprentice's shoulder. Figures that the only translator had to be a blond. Here he was trying to train his protege, and she was asking stupid questions, like what 'L33T' was.  
  
"Look, just tell him,okay?"  
  
Usagi shifted uncomfortably. "But I can't! There is no Japanese word for 'L33T'!"  
  
"Do it anyway!"  
  
She sighed. {He wants you to become 'L33T'.}  
  
Largo watched intently as Ranma blinked. "Nani? L33T?"  
  
Ranma sighed and said something else. Usagi turned to Largo. "He says he's sorry, but he has more important things to do than play video games."  
  
Ranma turned to leave, and had almost made it out of the living room, when inspiration struck Largo. It was a long shot, but......  
  
"Hey, wait! Tell him that I challenge him to Capcom vs. SNK!!"  
  
Ranma didn't stop until Usagi said something in Japanese. Then he turned around, and crossed his arms over his chest arrogantly.  
  
"Ranma asks: Does it have anything to do with martial arts?"  
  
Largo gave him a flat look. "Well, duh. It's a martial arts game."  
  
Ranma yelled something. Usagi turned to Largo with a look of fierce determination. "He says you're on!"  
  
Largo grinned and offered him a controller. Time to show the rookie how it was done.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
Piro grunted as he finished moving the last box of old stock into the back, then prepared to move the new games to the shelves. He didn't mind the hard work, but Erika had started getting on his case about wearing the Puchiko tail again, and that had significantly hindered both his progress and his mood.  
  
He nearly dropped the box on his feet when Ping-chan appeared behind a corner. {Hello Piro-kun!}  
  
As it was, Piro did stumble, and quickly set the box on the floor. {Ping- chan? What are you doing here? Is that Seraphim?} the two-inch conscience nodded.  
  
Seraphim lit up a cigarette and looked at him. "My my, wish I'd brought a camera. Cute getup, Piro."  
  
Piro blushed, then set his Puchiko hat down and ripped off the tail. {So, what brings you two here?}  
  
Seraphim took a puff from the cigarette. {We spent the morning following Largo around town. He's run out of beer. Not only that, but he's acquired several game systems and games.}  
  
Piro blinked. {What? How? We're flat broke!}  
  
Seraphim glanced around. {Well... it doesn't matter how he got them. Truth is, he wasn't responsible for the damage done this time.}  
  
Piro sighed in relief and sat down on the box. {Well, than I don't see what the problem is. Unless the authorities are gonna be after him, won't the games just keep him occupied?}  
  
Seraphim leaned back against Ping-chan's neck and took a few steady puffs. {I suppose...... still, I have a bad feeling about this.}  
  
Piro put the Puchiko hat back on and lifted the box. {So, you two see anything else that was interesting?}  
  
{Saotome-kun made a tornado!} Ping-chan said happily.  
  
This time Piro did drop the box on his foot.  
  
"OW!!! God-damn ragasfraggin......" His voice trailed off as he started muttering curses quietly.  
  
Seraphim giggled.  
  
Piro fumed for a moment, then turned to Ping-chan. {What do you mean, he made a tornado? You don't mean a real tornado, do you?}  
  
Seraphim tossed her cigarette butt on the ground, then lit up another. {That's right. Saotome seems like a pretty tough guy. And his ass is to DIE for!}  
  
Both Piro and Ping-chan sweatdropped. Well, Piro sweatdropped. Ping-chan didn't have the necessary technology, so she just looked at Seraphim oddly.  
  
Piro coughed slightly as a wisp of smoke passed by him, then realized something. {Uh, Seraphim, you're not supposed to smoke in here.}  
  
She glared at him. {What? You got something against smoking?}  
  
Piro gulped slightly, then pointed to a sign posted high on the wall. {It's store policy. See?}  
  
Seraphim rolled her eyes. {Gimme a break. Am I supposed to care, or what?}  
  
At that moment, enough smoke gathered against the ceiling that the automatic sprinklers suddenly came to life, spraying the entire store with water. Several shoppers cried out in panic and outrage as they were doused.  
  
Piro gave Seraphim a 'I told you so' stare.  
  
Seraphim herself was fuming. "All right, all right, I-OUCH!!" She jumped up involuntarily as an arc of electricity shot into her.  
  
Piro gasped as Ping-chan got an empty look in her eyes and started shaking as electricity shot around her.  
  
"Get her out of the water! NOW!!" Piro ran forward and tackled her out of the stoor, quickly pulling himself away before he could get burned too badly.  
  
Seraphim gulped and gave a goodbye wave before disappearing in a flash.  
  
  
  
{ALL RIGHT, WHO DID THAT?!?!}  
  
Piro was only familiar with female fury through anime such as Tenchi and Urusei Yatsura (no, he didn't watch Ranma 1/2. That would make this more complicated than necessary), but after seeing Erika walk out of the store soaked to the bone, he decided it was an experience few people could possibly deserve.  
  
Erika's hair was hanging down on her face in wet tendrils, and her normal working outfit, which was tight and revealing as it was, was now clinging to her like a second skin. Those male spectators who weren't attracted to the scene by the waterworks (this WAS Nerima, after all), were busying themselves leering at her.  
  
She directed a sub-zero glare at Piro. {Piro-KUN, you wouldn't happen to know what set off the sprinklers, now would you?}  
  
Piro froze in his position on his back, his concern for Ping-chan momentarily overrun by his concern for his own life. Looking around, he quickly located the cigarette butt that Seraphim had discarded. {There! Someone was smoking inside!}  
  
Erika glanced at the cigarette, then narrowed her eyes at Piro.  
  
He gulped. {I don't smoke!!}  
  
She decided to give him the benefit of the doubt this time, but gave him a look that promised severe injury if she ever found out he was lying.  
  
  
  
Piro wiped the sweat from his forehead, then remembered Ping-chan. "Aw geez... she's not breathing!" {Does anyone know CPR?!}  
  
Piro then remembered something important. {Uh... wait... never mind...}  
  
Looking down at her, Piro pondered how to resuscitate an android. Luckily, he didn't have to think very long.  
  
"Ite!" Ping-chan stood up and dusted herself off. Then she noticed Piro looking at her. {Don't worry Piro-kun, it's just a minor short circuit, I'm fine now!}  
  
An eavesdropper shook his head and started walking away. {Figures. She must be a Sony.}  
  
Piro looked at Ping-chan worriedly. {Are you sure you're all right?}  
  
Ping-chan nodded. "Hai! Domou arigatou, Piro-kun!"  
  
There was some yelling from inside the store, and Piro looked back at it. {Ping-chan, I've got a lot of work to do, I'll meet you back at the dojo, okay? Until then, please stay there, all right?}  
  
Ping-chan nodded her assent and left. Piro sighed and trudged back into Megagamers, vowing to get on Seraphim's case for once, after she showed up again.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
Ranma gaped openly at the screen as his character went flying off the screen, courtesy of Largo.  
  
"Ha ha ha! Super combo finish, man! You suck at this game, dude!"  
  
Despite all his efforts, Ranma had been on a steady losing streak ever since they started. Ranma was undoubtedly 1000 times better at martial arts, but for some reason the game didn't think so.  
  
{That's not fair! How come he can go under my ki blast like that?!}  
  
Usagi blinked. {Wow, that was cool......} Ranma glared at her, then sighed as the second round started up.  
  
The second round was even shorter, as Ranma's every move and defense was instantly thwarted and turned into a punishing combo. In 40 seconds, the game was over.  
  
"YES!! PH33R MY L33T IORI S|1LLZ!!!" Largo posed in triumph. Ranma sat under him, grinding his teeth as he fumed.  
  
Largo calmed down, then turned back to Ranma, an incredibly smug look on his face. "You're no match for me, dude. You need more practice. Only through total mastery of these games can L33Tness be attained! I want you to continue playing these games, until you can last against me until the timer runs out. Meatball head, if you would translate please."  
  
Usagi glared at him for calling her meatball head, but relayed his intstructions, slipping in a few "bakas" when referring to Largo.  
  
Ranma sighed to himself as Largo walked off to raid the kitchen for more beer, then picked up the controller and started playing.  
  
  
  
Usagi sat on his shoulder. {These games are pretty neat. I wonder where he got them?}  
  
Ranma shrugged. {I don't see what good practice will do me though. The AI's no good at all.} Ranma mercilessly stormed through the computer opponents, executing several flawless combos and always ending with super combos. (For those of you that are wondering, he's playing Capcom vs. SNK for Dreamcast.)  
  
Behind him, Kasumi opened up the newly replaced door and greeted the visitor. {Why hello Ping-chan, how was your day?}  
  
Ranma continued playing as Ping-chan replied and then left for the room she shared with Largo and Piro.  
  
Then something occured to him. He turned toward Usagi. {Hey, isn't there supposed to be a bad side to the conscience too? You know, a little devil or something to be on my other shoulder?}  
  
There was a gout of flames, and a girl with long black hair appeared on his other shoulder. {Yeah, what of it?} Rei asked.  
  
Usagi glared at her. Ranma asked, {Where were you?}  
  
Rei yawned and leaned into his ear. {Unlike meatball head over there, I've got other clients too, so I can't be on your case to do evil 24/7. What do you need guidance on?}  
  
Ranma blinked. {Oh, uh... well Largo keeps beating me at this game, what should I do?}  
  
{Practice!} Usagi piped up.  
  
{Beat him to a bloody pulp and leave his body in a ditch. Now if you'll excuse me, somebody at Cavedog is making an important decision. Ciao, people.} She dissapeared in a blaze of fiery red.  
  
Usagi rolled her eyes. {She's not very good at her job, but at least that makes mine easier. I could use a break though. Call me if you make any decisions involving right and wrong, okay?} She disappeared in a silver- white flash.  
  
{Uh, right.} It's not like Ranma wasn't used to girls crawling all over him, but he was still building up his tolerance to this new brand of weirdness. Sighing deeply, he turned back to the game.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
"Sorry Largo, but we can't buy beer. I haven't been paid yet, remember? You'll just have to make do without it."  
  
Largo blinked, then nodded at Piro. "I see. I ph33r I shall have to s33| m0r3 b33r. I will b3 b4c|."  
  
"Take your time," muttered Piro as Largo walked out of the house.  
  
Trudging into the living room, Piro stopped as he watched Ranma beat down the final boss in King of Fighters. "Huh. I guess he did find some gaming systems."  
  
Ranma turned and greeted him. {Hey Piro. How was work?}  
  
Piro sighed. {My conscience was smoking and set off the sprinklers. Most of our customers got soaked and complained to the manager. I spent most of the day wiping down shelves.}  
  
{That sucks.} Ranma turned off the TV. {I'm bored as hell. You wanna play some of this?}  
  
"Konbanwa Piro-kun!" Ping-chan ran into the room, and quickly bowed to Piro.  
  
Piro looked from her, to the multitude of gaming systems, to the copy of To Heart lying in a pile out of the way of Largo's games.  
  
Piro smiled. {Ping-chan, why don't we give you a test run, hmm?}  
  
  
  
30 minutes later......  
  
Ranma had long ago figured out that Piro was playing a dating game. Why anyone would play a game that involved dating, let alone based on it, he still didn't understand, but there you go.  
  
Piro was also apparently very good at it. He quickly singled out a girl, found out what she liked, and then turned into the perfect model boyfriend for her. He only seemed slightly disoriented, and that was because Ping- chan was sitting next to him, and would start mimicking whatever girl he was talking to at the time.  
  
{So... in 'To Heart' the goal is to get as many chicks to fall for you as you can?}  
  
Piro shook his head. {No, the goal is to choose a single girl and develop a relationship with her. Really, you want to try to avoid having more than one girl fall for you, as that would lead to a jealous breakup, probably on both sides.}  
  
Ranma scratched his head at that. Made sense, in a way. Maybe this could help him somehow.  
  
{So in this game, when the girls get jealous, do they dump you, or do they kill you?}  
  
Piro stared at him. {Uh... they dump you. You wanna try?}  
  
Ranma shrugged and took the controller as Piro reset the machine. {Now don't try to get into this early on. Don't try to focus on one girl or anything, just walk around, explore, and above all, be yourself.} Piro reflected on how that wasn't how he had gotten so good at these, then shrugged it off. Ranma was a beginner after all.  
  
  
  
5 minutes later......  
  
{That's amazing...} Piro stared rather drunkedly at the screen, as a small crowd of schoolgirls all started arguing. In 5 minutes, starting at the beginning of the game, Ranma had somehow managed to completely seduce over half of the female characters. He was just glad this wasn't an H game, or Ranma would've gotten somebody pregnant by now. Most likely multiple somebody's. He didn't want to know how that would turn out.  
  
Ranma was panicking. He had no idea how he was doing so badly. Or so well. He didn't really know which it was, but he did know that in real life, having a large group of girls that are all enamored with you in one place was a bad thing, so he tried to diffuse the situation.  
  
He was amazed by the realism that the simulation offered as the situation turned on him just as quickly as it did in real life.  
  
{Augh! They're attacking me! Gotta run! They've cut my health gauge in half already!}  
  
Piro sweatdropped. {Health gauge? This game doesn't have a health gauge! Well, I mean, I never knew there was a health gauge......}  
  
Piro heard a strange noise, then turned around. Ping-chan looked like she was having a seizure. Little sparks were coming from the long cylinders that were attached to her ears, and smoke was coming out of her collar. 'Uh oh, the short circuit! There must've been some damage!' {Ping! Ping, are you okay?!}  
  
In the meantime, Ranma had managed to escape the mob, and was standing near a tree on the outside of a school. {Man, I wish this loser I'm playing had some martial arts moves. I can't even jump or anything!}  
  
Had he been paying attention, he would've noticed he had just stopped at an all-girl's school. As it was though, there was only one girl outside at the moment. Unfortunately, it was a girl that he had already met before.  
  
Onscreen, the Akari homed in on him with a powerful glomp attack, and in Ranma's state of confusion and relief, he had no chance to avoid it.  
  
A final jolt of electricity ran through Ping-chan, and her eyes glazed over. {SYSTEM MALFUNCTION! E.M.S. PROTOCOL ERROR! COMPENSATING.......} the metallic, empty voice faded, and Ping-chan's eyes returned to normal.  
  
Piro sighed as she seemed to be alright. {Ping, are you oka-} He was cut off as the malfuncioning Sony product suddenly leapt for Ranma, tackling him in a flying hug. "Ranma-sama!!!"  
  
Ranma was caught off guard both by the hug and Ping-chan's surprising strength, and started to wave his arms around in panic.  
  
Piro, for one, didn't completely know what was going on, and so tried to help by relieving Ranma of the controller so he could concentrate fully on getting himself out of whatever was happening.  
  
{Ack! Ping, come on! What are you doing?!} Ping-chan declined to reply, instead tightening her hold and rubbing her face into his chest affectionately.  
  
Piro was momentarily distracted from the scene by what was going on in the game. "Nani?"  
  
Ranma looked at him. {What? What's going on?}  
  
Piro shook his head. {Oh, nothing really. You must have pushed a wrong button or something. You're proposing to Akari right now.}  
  
Ranma sweatdropped. {Proposing?! What?!}  
  
Piro smiled reassuredly at him, then turned back to the screen. {Don't worry, in the game you two hardly know each other, so... she'll...... just............ accept?} The last word was said with very large eyes.  
  
Ranma just frowned. {Yeah, that's one helluva game all right.}  
  
Then the pressure around his body was suddenly lifted.  
  
Ranma was very glad to be free of Ping-chan's grip, that is, until he found himself staring into a pair of big, watery, light blue eyes.  
  
Ping-chan sniffled slightly as she embraced that moment that so many women dreamed of. {Ranma-sama, of course I'll marry you!} Then she glomped him again.  
  
Piro stared at the scene, and slowly backed away, lest he get involved and become a casualty. 'I can't believe this is actually happening. This is all Seraphim's fault. Though she'll probably find a way to blame it on me anyways.'  
  
  
  
Naturally, Akane had just happened to stop by to inform Ranma that dinner was ready, and was of course greeted by the scene and sound of Ping-chan shouting {Ranma-sama, of course I'll marry you!} and grabbing him in a hug. To say that she was outraged was to say that Antarctica was kind of chilly.  
  
"Ranma..." Said person turned to see what would have appeared to be a vengeful valkyrie from heaven (or an especially nasty demon from hell, you decide), had he not been treated to the sight on many other occasions.  
  
"No......" Piro idly wondered where Akane could have hidden a mallet that big as he further distanced himself from Ranma. His earlier deduction about female fury had apparently been confirmed.  
  
"BAKA!!!!" Ranma didn't even bother to stutter out his usual 'Akane, wait, I can explain', as the mallet sent him flying out of Ping-chan's arms and through the wall into the backyard. It certainly wouldn't have done him any good. Besides, this time he really couldn't explain what had happened.  
  
Ping-chan gasped as her new husband-to-be was sent flying outside (somehow Ranma had been struck while she had remained unscathed) Ping-chan turned toward the assailant angrily. {Who are you? Why did you do that?}  
  
Akane glared at the robot girl in fron of her. {I'm Akane Tendo, and I did that because he proposed to you when he was already engaged!}  
  
Ping-chan stood up. {That's his business, not yours! I won't allow you to hurt my beloved!} Without waiting for a reply, Ping-chan jumped through the hole Ranma's passage had made in the wall.  
  
  
  
Piro heard the front door open and close with a slam, and Largo came into the house, carrying a hand truck stacked with cases of liquor.  
  
Instead of berating him for being rude to their hosts by entering without notice and leaving more tire marks on the floor, Piro instead glanced at the cases of booze. "Another liquor store blew up?"  
  
Largo nodded with a smile, then held up a black piglet with a yellow and black bandanna for a collar. "Uh huh. Hey, did you know that if you pour water on the Hibiki dude, he turns into a pig? Cool, huh?"  
  
Piro sweatdropped as Ryoga thrashed around in his grip. "Uh, yeah, that's nice. However, we have a bit of a situation here."  
  
Largo dropped Ryoga, who ran over to Akane and tried to get her attention, failing miserably as Akane was engrossed watching Ping-chan affectionately tend to Ranma's wounds.  
  
"Dude! Check it out! She's glowing red! You think she's a Kusanagi?" Largo was impressed.  
  
Piro took him aside for a moment. "Look. Ping had a short circuit, and now, somehow, she thinks that Ranma proposed to her. Ranma is already engaged. We've gotta do something."  
  
Largo suddenly looked serious. "I'll take care of it. You put away the beer."  
  
Piro blinked, then wondered if he should have done that.  
  
  
  
Ranma was confused. He'd spent a lot of time in this particular state of mind, so it was really no big deal, but it was, by the nature of the emotion, disorienting. The last thing he remembered was that Ping-chan had accepted the 'engagement' and Akane had gone into berserker mode. Now Ping was saying soothing, reassuring things as she applied an ice pack to his bruises, his head in her lap.  
  
Not being able to figure out how this happened, Ranma tried to find something else to concentrate on. Genma and Soun approaching and looking very angry seemed just as good as anything.  
  
{Boy, how dare you run off and get yourself engaged again!} Genma yelled as he stood up and tried to look intimidating.  
  
Soun's demon head had a far better effect in that area. {Ranma, you had better have a good explanation for this!!!}  
  
Ranma was about to simply say that he didn't know what was going on, when something under his head shifted, and Genma and Soun were suddenly flying into the koi pond.  
  
{You leave poor Ranma-sama alone! He's injured!} Ping-chan walked to Ranma to finish.  
  
{Ah, actually I'm fine now. Thanks but I take Akane's hits all the time and-} Ranma's speech was cut off as Ping-chan held a finger to his lips.  
  
{You mean that nasty woman hits you often? Well don't worry, I'll nurse you back to health and make sure she never touches you again!} Ranma appreciated that someone was on his side for once, he really did, but that didn't make his current situation much easier to deal with.  
  
Ping suddenly stopped patting his forehead with her damp cloth as Largo approached. {What, do you want to hurt Ranma-sama too? If you do, I'm warning you......}  
  
Largo didn't even bother to acknowledge that the foreign gibberish was directed toward him, and just walked past Ranma and hit the switch behind Ping-chan's ear.  
  
Her body fell limp. Largo picked her up onto one shoulder, then pointed to Ranma. "Marvel. Capcom. Now."  
  
Then he turned around and left. Ranma sat up. {Now what just happened?}  
  
Usagi suddenly appeared on his shoulder. {Hello! Did I miss anything important?}  
  
  
  
*************************************************************************** *******  
  
  
  
End Chapter 2 


	3. 2 Be or N07 2 Be L33T

L33T Ranma  
  
Chapter 3  
  
a Ranma 0.5/MegaTokyo crossover  
  
by Black Dragon  
  
Standard disclaimer applies. Ranma belongs to the all-powerful and most revered Rumiko Takahashi. MegaTokyo belongs to Largo-san and Piro-san. This was done on a challenge. Don't sue me or flame me, I'm only partially resposible for this. Some scenes may be more or less taken straight from MegaTokyo comics, without their permission.  
  
  
  
As far as continuity goes, the Ranma part takes off after the Mt. Pheonix battle and failed wedding, etc., and the MegaTokyo part right after Piro and Largo are forced onto the streets.  
  
Key: Words in " " are English or untranslated Japanese, [ ] are signs or writing, { } is Japanese, ' ' are thoughts, ( ) are comments.  
  
  
  
L33T Ranma!  
  
Part Three  
  
2 Be or N07 2 Be L33T  
  
  
  
*************************************************************************** *******  
  
  
  
"Now you see, the console is a conduit for the soul. The controller is your gateway. Live through it. Feel through it. You must be one with your game pad." Largo stopped his lecture, and waited as the blond with the funny hair spouted more of the inane drivel that the Japanese had somehow made into a language.  
  
Ranma mumbled something in reply as he continued playing mechanically, seemingly without thought.  
  
Usagi turned toward Largo and yawned before replying. "He says he's tired. I am too. Can't we go to bed?"  
  
Largo shook his head furiously. "NO!!! We cannot surrender now! He is close! I can feel it! He will attain L33Tness soon!"  
  
Ranma mumbled something else, and Usagi planted her fists on her hips. "He says that he gives up. You're better at video games than he is. He just wants to go to bed!"  
  
Ranma almost felt ashamed at the admission, but the past 10 hours had been so humbling that even he was forced to admit that Largo simply had some sort of edge which he simply didn't. It was a gift, similar to his own natural ability for martial arts. After so many defeats, and so many failures to properly analyze Largo's technique, Ranma had finally decided to do the sensible thing and say that it was only a game, and therefore didn't matter.  
  
Ranma put down his controller and stood up. Before he could fully turn around, however, Largo had grasped his shoulders and was looking him straight in the eye.  
  
"Are you really going to give up?! Does your pride mean so little to you? I thought you were better than that! Come on man!!"  
  
Usagi winced. "Could you not yell please? It's four in the morning, you know." Largo backed off impatiently, and Usagi sighed and repeated what Largo said in Japanese.  
  
Ranma twitched and shook violently, mentally torn between impulses brought about by an entire lifetime of training, not to mention his not inconsiderable pride, and his physical fatigue, combined with a hefty load of common sense.  
  
The decision was made when Largo picked up a controller, and handed the other one to Ranma. The pigtailed martial artist let out a frustrated growl, then snatched the controller from Largo's hand irritably.  
  
The Capcom vs. SNK screen flashed, and was banished just as quickly. *Choose your character!* The box that marked Largo's cursor cruised over and selected Ryu and Iori, a favorite combination of his. Ranma grumbled to himself, and selected Kim and Terry.  
  
"Now remember, you have to pour your heart and soul into this, man! To be L33T is more than being good at video games; that is merely the transcendence, the trigger. L33T is a state of mind. Enlightenment, if you will."  
  
Usagi repeated the words dutifully in Japanese. Ranma gave a disgusted grunt, then rolled his eyes as the fight started up.  
  
The fight went just as all the others did. A jumping kick was countered with a shoryuken. A low sweep was blocked, and Ranma's advance was halted by a sudden hadouken. Ranma recovered and rolled, only to be thrown in the other direction.  
  
Largo shook his head. "You're not trying, dude! You're controller technique is |00r!"  
  
15 seconds later, the pixelated figure of an unconscious Kim Kapwam hit the ground. Ryu moved into his victory stance, with his bandanna tails swaying in the wind.  
  
Largo shook his head sadly.  
  
The control was shaking in Ranma's hand. 'I must not kill him... I must not kill him... I must be a good loser...' the thought sent tremors down his body, 'there must be some way to beat this guy! There has to be!'  
  
Second round. Ryu opened with a fireball. Terry jumped, and was struck by a shoryuken.  
  
Ranma started to feel dizzy. His vision was getting blurry. 'I can do this! I can win!'  
  
Terry launches a power wave, then follows up with a crack shot. Ryu blocks one, rolls past the other, and throws Terry.  
  
'I've got to concentrate! I can't lose! I WON'T LOSE!!!'  
  
Then his mind snapped, and his vision was clear.  
  
Largo was just starting to contemplate sleep when Terry jumped in just short of the shoryuken that Ryu executed in response. Then he was shocked out of his own fatigue as a light flashed around Terry.  
  
*Power... geyser!*  
  
Largo gaped as he was struck by three different energy blasts, and started focusing more on his game. It was for naught, though. Ranma fought like a caged lion, and in the moment that he could spare to glance at the martial artist, Largo could see that he was now playing with feverish intensity, as if the game was the only thing that existed; the only thing that mattered.  
  
He had ascended.  
  
Ryu went flying off the screen from an immaculately timed burn knuckle. Largo nodded in satisfaction as the next round began.  
  
Usagi gaped, unable to believe that Ranma had finally won a round just like that.  
  
The next round could not be called a battle. It was a struggle for dominance. A war.  
  
Fireball. Jump. Light punch. Block. Fast counter. Jump. Fierce kick. Sweep.  
  
Usagi was mesmerized by the flashes of light and the complex, subtle tricks that were used, only to be ruined by an opponent with apparently equal skill. Very few attacks hit home.  
  
And, alas, soon it was over. The time ran out, and the image of Terry Bogard turned around ashamedly as Iori started chuckling, and then erupted into full blown laughter.  
  
Ranma set down his controller, then bowed deeply to Largo.  
  
"Master, forgive me! My s|1llz are not yet complete!!"  
  
Largo grinned. "PH33R not, good pupil, m4d s|1llz will come with time and experience."  
  
Usagi gaped some more. "Ra-Ranma... you're speaking English!"  
  
Ranma nodded, and stood up. "It is so. I... I never realized before... this p0w3r..."  
  
Largo stood up himself, then set his hands on Ranma's shoulders. "That p0w3r is now yours, student! Use it! And revel in the glory of the L33T!!"  
  
Ranma simply nodded, an uncharacteristic glint in his eye  
  
Usagi started to look worried, and stared at Ranma from her perch on his shoulder. What had Largo done to him?  
  
  
  
*************************************************************************** *******  
  
  
  
Scene opens up to a picket fence. Spectators could see Piro with a propeller beanie hat, and Largo next to him in a rabbit costume.  
  
"Yes, what did Largo do to him indeed?" Piro began. "You may be wondering this yourself."  
  
Largo spoke up next to him. "Ranma has undergone L33Tification, the process of becoming L33T. L33Tification has certain effects on a person, depending on the mode of ascension, and the subject's potential L33Tness."  
  
Piro turned around, and pointed a large stick at a diagram of a human brain. "In general, scientists have determined that much of the neural energy, which is normally scattered about your gray matter to give equal power to all cognitive functions, is transferred to this area of the brain." Piro moves the stick back, and points to an area marked with a dotted ellipse.  
  
"This is known as the 'L33T' portion of the brain. It contains the essential functions of reflexes, tactical and short-term analytical thought, as well as a good portion of technical knowledge and memory."  
  
Largo grinned. "Naturally, energy must peak in these areas for m4d s|1llz to be attained."  
  
Piro rolled his eyes. "Naturally. Most of the energy is taken from the areas responsible for long-term planning, attention span, reason, and it leaves the common sense part almost barren. The L33T basically know what they want, and not much else. Also, for reasons unknown, L33Tification triggers an instant recall of all minor or forgotten English skills."  
  
Largo chuckled. "PH33R our L33T 3n6li5h S|1llz!"  
  
Piro shook his head. "I'm sorry to say that, despite extensive study of this debilitating condition, to this day, there is no cure for L33Tness."  
  
Largo blinked. "Huh? Cure? What?"  
  
Piro patted him on the shoulder fondly. "Don't give up hope, Largo. Scientists are working around the clock. One day, a cure will be found. Just wait."  
  
"Huh? Dude, I don't understand."  
  
Piro nodded sadly. "I know, Largo, I know."  
  
  
  
*************************************************************************** *******  
  
  
  
Piro stretched as he tugged his clothes on, and let out a contented sigh as his muscles cooled. Showers were quick and easy, but taking a long, hot bath just had a therapeutic quality that you just didn't experience in the U.S.  
  
He greeted Kasumi politely as he reached the breakfast table. Then he moved aside rapidly as Akane stomped down the stairs and sat down next to him, and tried to will himself invisible.  
  
{Where is that jerk?! I can't believe him! He stayed up ALL NIGHT playing those stupid games, then woke us all up with his yelling at four in the morning!} Akane glared as she looked about, searching for the cause of her ire. She still wasn't quite over seeing Ranma taking advantage of that poor robot girl last night, and had been fuming over the whole incident when Ranma and Largo had started yelling.  
  
Nabiki looked around. {Say, where IS Ranma? I haven't seen him this morning.}  
  
Kasumi raised a hand to her mouth. {Oh dear. Largo-san is missing too.}  
  
One by one, the group assembled at the table turned to stare at Piro.  
  
He met each of the gazes with the same confused expression. {I don't know where they are.}  
  
Akane frowned, but turned away. The others did the same. Piro sighed in relief, then finished his meal and went back to the guest room to get ready for work.  
  
  
  
*Poof* "Yo Piro, wassup?"  
  
Piro started, and then glared at his conscience. "THERE you are! Do you have any idea how much trouble you've caused?! Ping has-"  
  
Seraphim silenced him with a wave of her hand. "Knock it off Piro. We've got a problem on our hands."  
  
Piro blinked, then scowled. "I KNOW. That's what I'm talking about!"  
  
The tiny angel-girl rolled her eyes. "I mean a DIFFERENT problem. Usagi just informed me just a minute ago that Ranma's following Largo around town. Figures that ditz couldn't keep things under control." She sighed.  
  
Piro blinked. "Wait... Ranma? Following Largo? Why would he do that? He has school today."  
  
"Piro," Seraphim deadpanned, "Ranma is now L33T."  
  
Piro blinked some more.  
  
"Okay," Seraphim began again, "imagine, for a moment, a Japanese version of Largo. Now take that image, and give it superhuman strength, speed, agility, and the ability to fire energy blasts and create tornadoes."  
  
Piro paled. With Largo's diminished line between reality and video games... "We've gotta do something!" Piro stopped to think. "Well, after work. What are they doing now, anyway?"  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
"|]13, foo!"  
  
*Smash* *Thwack* *Pow* *Pow* *Pow* *Pow* *Snap* *Smash*  
  
Largo nodded in satisfaction as the 3V1L zombies were dispatched en masse. With Ranma's L33T martial arts s|1llz, and his knowledge and experience, they would cleanse the world of 3V1L!  
  
{Look out!}  
  
{He's crazy!}  
  
{Oh God, somebody help me!!}  
  
"Ha ha ha!! PH33R my m4d m4r714l 4r7s s|illz, su|az!" Ranma fired a ki bolt into the group, and they were immediately blasted into unconsciousness.  
  
"Very good, my 57ud3n7. This area has been cleansed of the 3V1L z0m813s. Let us move on."  
  
Ranma nodded happily, and blasted a path through the wall of the dance club, now littered with unconscious bodies.  
  
"Ah, but wait! Are you not forgetting the act that must always follow a sw337 b347d0wn such as this?"  
  
Ranma stopped and stared at Largo, confused. Largo gave him a smug smile. Then Ranma slapped his forehead.  
  
"Of course! Looting!" Ranma immediately started fishing through the insensate ravers' pockets.  
  
Largo nodded. "Yes. And once we have sufficient supplies, we will purchase you proper dress. Hurry!"  
  
Then he frowned. "Yo, Ranma. There any police around here? 'Cause usually they try and get in the way. Damn government conspiracies..."  
  
Ranma snorted. "Police? In Nerima? |\|0 \/\/a`/, d00d."  
  
Largo grinned. "|\/|057 3[3||3|\|7."  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
{Oh dear, they do make quite a mess.} Kasumi hummed to herself as she entered the guest room, stepping over the various computer parts and game cartridges strewn about the floor.  
  
After and two minutes with her feather duster and a wet cloth, the room was already looking shiny, save the assortment of items still laying about the floor. Kasumi would have picked those up, but she didn't think that their guests would appreciate her touching their things.  
  
Kasumi stopped when she came to Ping-chan, still plugged in next to the electric socket and powered down.  
  
Shrugging after a moment of thought, Kasumi started dusting Ping-chan, only to accidentally throw the switch behind her ear with the handle of her duster.  
  
{Wha... What? Kasumi-chan? Where am I?}  
  
Kasumi blinked. {Oh my. You're in the guest room Ping-chan. Are you alright?}  
  
Ping shook her head to clear it, then started shifting through her past memory records.  
  
{OH!!! Where's Ranma?!}  
  
Kasumi blinked. {Ranma? I'm afraid I don't know. Piro-san seemed to think he was out with Largo.}  
  
Ping blinked. {He... he left me here? But... we're engaged! He left me!} She sniffled, and fell down to her knees.  
  
Kasumi blinked, then moved to comfort her. {Now, now. I'm sure Ranma will be back. He probably just went out to eat at Shampoo's or Ukyo's.}  
  
Ping-chan sniffed. {Shampoo? Ukyo? Who are they?}  
  
Kasumi blinked. {You didn't know? Ranma's engaged.} She frowned slightly. {Very engaged.}  
  
Ping-chan trembled. More fiancees? Then his proposal was just a trick? He was just playing with her? How could he be so cruel?!  
  
{WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! RANMA!!!!} Ping-chan ran through the wall of the room right outside, sobbing all the while as plaster and wood rained down on the floor behind her.  
  
Kasumi sweatdropped as she stared at the large hole in the wall. 'Oh dear, it looks like I'll have to clean up again. Poor Ping-chan... but I suppose this will be a healthy lesson in how to deal with rejection.'  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, at Sony Inc...  
  
  
  
The engineer at the computer station adjusted his glasses for a moment, then gestured to his co-worker.  
  
{Hey, take a look at this. You know how we never finished that algorithm telling the Ping EMS unit how to deal with emotions such as 'rejection'? I just ran a simulation.}  
  
The other engineer looked over at the monitor, and raised an eyebrow. {Wow. Can it really do that?}  
  
{Lift and throw buses? Yeah, I think she can.}  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
"But it's just not right! Beating up on scared, helpless people like that!" Usagi frowned darkly at Ranma, who mostly ignored her as he stepped into the changing room.  
  
"Hey, hey, chill little babe! It's cool!"  
  
Usagi stared incredulously as Ranma shut the door to the room, and then gently picked her up in his hand.  
  
"Cool?! How is that cool?!"  
  
Ranma smiled at her. "They were 3V1L! So they deserved a 8347down! See? Cool!"  
  
Usagi could only stare. How had Ranma's speech patterns (not to mention his actual language) changed so drastically in such a short amount of time? "Well, what about the looting! That was just evil!"  
  
Ranma's grin didn't waver. "Spoils of war, little babe." Ranma then made a twirling motion with his index finger. "Now, if you wouldn't mind..."  
  
Usagi blinked. "Huh? Oh! Okay." She turned around.  
  
There was a shuffling of clothes, and as soon as she saw the shirt hit the floor out of the corner of her eye, she turned back around.  
  
Ranma started as his conscience gave off a wolf whistle.  
  
"Hey! No peeking!" Ranma glared at the tiny blond, and she giggled even as her face reddened.  
  
  
  
Within moments, Ranma stepped out of the changing room.  
  
Largo nodded in approval. Ranma now wore a plain white muscle shirt instead of his traditional Chinese shirt. His pants were the same, but he wore a silvery metal chain as a belt, and his slippers had been exchanged for a pair of hiking boots. He also wore a black headband with the Mortal Kombat dragon logo embroidered on the front.  
  
"N07 84D. Here friend. To complete the ensemble." Largo held up a black leather jacket with metal plates attached to the shoulders and arms. Ranma bowed deeply and accepted the offering.  
  
"L33TM4573R, you bless me. This r0x0rz."  
  
Largo grinned.  
  
"Squeak!" Largo blinked, then turned to his furry conscience, who was pointing out the window.  
  
"What's up little dude? Huh? Hey Ranma! It's Ping!"  
  
Ranma blinked, then looked out the window. "Great. |5`/(|-|0 |20807 61|2| is here." Ranma took a better look, then sweatdropped. "She looks kind of upset."  
  
Largo nodded in agreement. "Man, I didn't think an 18-wheeler could skid like that on its side. Not on hard asphalt, anyway."  
  
"Maybe we should go see what's wrong?" Usagi suggested.  
  
Ranma nodded, and followed Largo out of the store.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
{So he really just left? He didn't even tell anybody?} Ukyo looked at Akane worriedly. Ranma skipping school was hardly unheard of, but there had always been an obvious reason before.  
  
Akane fumed in her desk, and the book in her hands was nearly torn apart as her hands clenched sporadically. {YES!!! Can you believe it?! Just up and leaves with that weird American guy without so much of a word to anyone else!! When I get my hands on that creep...}  
  
Ukyo tuned Akane out. If Ranma had left the dojo on his own, any number of things could have happened to him. Which meant that he may need help. Which meant that she had to find him before Shampoo did, if she wanted to provide that help, along with all the love and affection that Ranma's "cute" fiancee could possibly provide.  
  
The okinomiyaki chef looked up at the clock hanging on the wall. Study hall was almost over, meaning that there was only one more class in the day. She had never liked math anyway.  
  
{I'll give him a reason to leave! I'll just bet the both of them are off at the Nekohanten, flirting with Shampoo and... Ukyo? Hey Ukyo, where'd you go?}  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
Shampoo raced upon the rooftops on her bicycle, making occasional jumps to clear buildings.  
  
She sighed, and bumped the empty aluminum ramen container to her other hand. Just another delivery, part of another boring day. She contemplated going to see Ranma, but once again decided against it.  
  
The whole chase seemed so pointless now, and it hurt. Shampoo was a smart girl, despite popular opinion to the contrary; she saw the way Ranma and Akane looked at each occasionally. She saw that they cared for each other, at the very least; though no matter what, even if Ranma decided to marry that horrible girl, she would never allow herself to believe that Ranma actually loved Akane.  
  
And yet, love or not, that was the extent of Ranma's feelings towards ANYBODY. Shampoo had never once gotten the same warm, caring glance from the pigtailed boy that Akane ignored frequently. Ranma DID care for Shampoo too, but the same way he would care about any girl he knew.  
  
Shampoo's teeth clenched, and strained the chain of her bicycle as she put more force into her legs. It just wasn't fair! They were actually going to marry her to that... that stupid, arrogant, jealous twit!  
  
Shampoo jumped her bike at the edge of a roof, and went sailing out over the street and past the canal, to come to a stop in an alley. She sighed.  
  
Ranma had forgiven her for the bombs, almost as quickly as he had forgiven Ukyo (he hadn't said anything to Kodachi yet, but she suspected that was because he didn't want to get near her). That was one quality of his that she found so attractive; he was so easygoing, so forgiving. Even if he didn't understand, he didn't need to. He simply let the past go. It was something she was extremely thankful for too; if he wasn't so quick to forgive, he'd probably hate her by now.  
  
'And it's one more thing that Akane takes completely for granted,' Shampoo thought irritably as she started riding again.  
  
*Sigh* "Ranma..."  
  
*CRASH!!!*  
  
Shampoo gave a start, then put on the brakes as there was an explosion of brick and glass on the other side of the building she was next to. She stared in that direction for a moment, then peeked out of the alleyway.  
  
Shampoo blinked. "Ranma?"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! CRAZY ROBOT CHICK!!!"  
  
Shampoo blinked again. What was that language he was speaking? What was he running from? And who was that guy right behind him?  
  
"Keep running dude!! She ripped out another telephone pole!! OH GEEZ!!! DUCK!!!"  
  
Shampoo sweatdropped as a girl she didn't recognize in some sort of frilly dress hurled the aforementioned telephone pole.  
  
Shampoo's eyes narrowed, and she calmly set her bicycle against the wall of the alleyway. Then she pulled out her colored bonbori.  
  
Ranma didn't hit girls, even in self-defense. Shampoo thought it was stupid, but it was Ranma's policy. Otherwise, Akane would be in pretty bad shape by now. In any case, there was no doubt in Shampoo's mind that Ranma would allow this girl to crush him with whatever she was capable of lifting before he'd strike back at her. Shampoo's grip tightened on her bonbori.  
  
  
  
{Ranma-sempai! Get back here!} Ping-chan hefted another sedan and tossed it at the fleeing duo before rejoining pursuit. Ranma was many times faster than she was, but he wouldn't leave Largo behind, meaning that she mostly had to concentrate on keeping the American in range.  
  
Her proximity sensors went off, and Ping lashed out behind herself just in time to deflect a multi-colored bonbori flying toward her. Her eyes cold, the malfunctioning android looked up slowly to see a shapely violet haired girl perched atop a telephone pole.  
  
{Who you and why you attack airen?} Shampoo demanded, waving her other bonbori at the robot girl.  
  
Ping-chan's eyes narrowed.  
  
  
  
Ranma, noting that there was no follow-up object following the last hurled car, snuck a peek behind him as he ran.  
  
Noticing that Ping had stopped to look at Shampoo, Ranma cursed inwardly and stopped.  
  
"|]4|\/|! Shampoo's here! This su0rz!"  
  
Largo sped past Ranma, only to stop a little ways ahead of him. "Dude, what's the matter? The psycho robot chick is-...... huh? Who's that?"  
  
Ranma growled. "That's Shampoo. Oh man. Quick, where's Ping's off switch?"  
  
Largo blinked. "What about Shampoo? I'm talking about the babe throwing those weird maces."  
  
Ranma shook his head, nearly dislodging Usagi, who had been clinging to his pigtail when the whole chase had started. "I'll explain later. Where's the switch?"  
  
"It's behind her left ear," explained a dizzy Usagi. "Just what did you do to her anyway?"  
  
Ranma shrugged. "Got me. It's a gift of mine, turning people homicidal." Giving a rather morbid smirk, he sprinted off toward where Shampoo was being forced back with a light post.  
  
  
  
*Whoosh*  
  
"Aiyah!" Shampoo leapt backwards, just barely avoiding having been smashed to the side with the long length of steel.  
  
Ping-chan glared at the Amazon, arcs of electricity crackling around the cylinders attached to her ears. {You can't have Ranma! He's mine!}  
  
Shampoo's teeth clenched. {Shampoo have no idea where you come from, but Shampoo send you back there! Ranma belong to Shampoo!} She shifted her stance, and prepared for a thrust with her steel-headed weapon.  
  
{Well now, it's nice to be wanted.}  
  
Both girls blinked, and immediately focused on Ranma, who was standing on the axle of an overturned car. He smiled.  
  
{Or that's how the saying goes, anyway. Personally, I think it kind of sucks.}  
  
Ping's eye twitched, and sparks shot out of the units attached to her ears. {Ranma!! How could you?!} She hurled the light post, and Shampoo gasped.  
  
Ranma grinned. Moving into a crouch, he jumped into a somersault as the metal post neared him, kicking it further into the air, and then kicking it back down with his other leg as he reached the apex of his jump.  
  
Ranma landed back on the car, and the badly dented post slammed into the street hard, spraying concrete and digging itself into the hardened surface. Shampoo gave an impressed whistle.  
  
Ping-chan sniffled angrily, then looked for something else extremely heavy to hurl at her beloved.  
  
{Hey Ping!} Ranma suddenly shouted.  
  
Ping blinked, and turned back toward Ranma. {Huh? What?}  
  
Ranma pointed at her. {Look behind you!}  
  
Ping blinked again, then turned around.  
  
*Click* *Thud*  
  
An inactive android girl hit the ground, her large eyes blank.  
  
Ranma smirked and dusted off his hands. {Feh. Nothing to it.}  
  
  
  
Largo approached as Ping-chan went down, and grinned at his protege's apparent skill.  
  
"Most excellently fought, my phr3nd! Now we shall-"  
  
"Aiyah!" *Glomp* Largo blinked as a curvy, bosomy, purple-haired person attached herself to Ranma's side. Ranma shrugged best he could, then yanked an arm loose to wrap around Shampoo's waist.  
  
Shampoo was in shock. Ranma was HUGGING HER BACK?!?! She must be dreaming! This had to be a fantasy, a daydream! Any minute now she'd come to her senses and see Ranma walking by behind Akane, nursing a bruise!  
  
"Hey dude, who's the babe?" Largo asked, appraising her quite openly.  
  
Shampoo stared. Any minute now...  
  
Ranma grinned. "This is my second fiancee, Shampoo. Cute, 'aint she?"  
  
Largo nodded. "Damn, she's hot!"  
  
Shampoo started trembling slightly. It would be any minute now...  
  
Largo smiled, then shook his head. "No way those could be real though. I'll bet she pads 'em."  
  
Ranma snorted, then grinned wider. "Oh, they're VERY real. BELIEVE ME."  
  
Oh, the hell with it. If it really was a dream, she might as well enjoy it before she woke up, right?  
  
Largo blinked as Shampoo seemed to snap out of her stupor, and starting cuddling for all she was worth. Then he looked down at the insensate Ping- chan. "Hey, what do we do with the psychotic cyborg here?"  
  
Ranma shrugged, Shampoo still rubbing against him liberally. Usagi watched from his shoulder, her expression a mix of fascination and resignation.  
  
Largo kneeled next to the android, then fished some papers out of Ping's pockets.  
  
"Hmmmmm... lessee here. We've got our license agreement, software copyright, warning not to let her get wet...... AH! Here we go! She's got an extended 2-year warranty. We just need to take her back to the manufacturer."  
  
Ranma nodded, then scooped Shampoo up into his arms, which surprised her, but also delighted her to no end. "Then we're off to Sony! Our |w357 is now (133r!"  
  
Then he looked down at Shampoo and smiled, causing a warm feeling inside of her that she hadn't felt since that whole bizarre reversal jewel incident, when Ranma had ALMOST said that he loved her.  
  
{But first, we're gonna hook you up, babe.}  
  
Shampoo and Largo blinked.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
{So if I run the simulation like this, and give her a weapon...}  
  
The second engineer whistled. {That's pretty nasty. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned", I suppose.}  
  
{Whoa! Look at all the buildings fall down!}  
  
*SMASH!!!*  
  
  
  
The two engineers tore their eyes away from the computer screen to see four figures behind them. Behind the four figures was a rather large hole in the wall, right next to the door to the office. Through the hole, both men could see a trail of unconscious bodies making a path from the building's entrance.  
  
The man sitting before the computer sweatdropped. {Um... the door wasn't locked, you know.}  
  
Ranma snorted. {We have no need for doors. Right babe?}  
  
Shampoo grinned. {Is right!}  
  
The other man was gaping slightly as he stared at the violet-haired Amazon. She was now wearing a tight miniskirt and sneakers, and for a top wore a blue bikini top that showed her cleavage remarkably well. She wore a black jacket with metal plates on the shoulders and elbows, identical to Ranma's, over that.  
  
Largo stepped in front of the couple, dragging the still non-functional Ping behind him.  
  
"Okay dude, here's the deal. You be speakin' English?"  
  
The engineer who wasn't busy drooling nodded slowly.  
  
"Good. We got this droid here, and she's been acting all crazy on us. Throwing things and stuff like that. She also keeps yelling weird stuff like... uh... Ranma, what was it?"  
  
Ranma shrugged and hugged Shampoo to him again. "Stuff like how I betrayed her and how we're engaged and junk like that. I have no idea what she's talking about."  
  
The engineer got up from his computer, then leaned down to inspect Ping- chan. {Hmmmm... I see burn marks on her memory storage units. Ah! Her CPU's been damaged too!} He looked up at Largo. "Has anything happened to her recently? Like has she gotten wet? We've just recently been able to fix that little problem. Though that algorithm..." The engineer looked back at his computer, which was still playing a video of a little animated Ping-chan loading a rocket launcher.  
  
Largo blinked, then shrugged. "I don't know what happened. She 'aint even mine. She just started attacking me and my friend here." Largo coughed into his hand, and then suddenly looked serious. "Look, I have a warranty here, and Piro's gonna be ticked if he finds out I broke his girlfriend. So fix her or whatever. Now. Or we'll destroy the place or something."  
  
The engineer gave him a flat expression. "Right. You're going to destroy this building?" He deadpanned.  
  
Ranma snapped his fingers, and Shampoo stopped snuggling against him and launched a roundhouse kick at a random wall.  
  
*Crash!!* The poor, innocent wall didn't stand a chance.  
  
The engineer sweatdropped, then laughed nervously. "Well, we'll do what we can, okay?! Leave it to us!"  
  
Largo nodded. "1nd33d. Come, pupil. Our work here is done."  
  
Ranma nodded himself, then followed Largo out, Shampoo still attached to his arm.  
  
  
  
The engineer sighed, then glared at his coworker, whose eyes were locked on the shiny material stretched tight over Shampoo's rear.  
  
'Well, better get to work.' He picked up Ping-chan and trudged over to the lab. It was going to be a long day.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
"Hmmm... school should be out by now." Ranma gazed in the direction of Furinkan High School, ignoring Shampoo as she snuggled her body tight around his.  
  
{Ranma? Why you speaking strange language?}  
  
Ranma turned and smiled at her. {It's English. 'Fraid you'll probably have to pick it up sooner or later, babe.} He ran a hand through her long, purple hair, and Shampoo made delighted noises.  
  
Learn this "English"? Not even a consideration. Shampoo had learned to speak understandable Japanese in less than a month. Learning another language was no problem if it meant spending more time with Ranma.  
  
"Dude! I got b33r!" Largo sat down on the bench next to his two companions, and tossed a can of beer to Ranma, who caught it deftly. "Hey man, you got the time?"  
  
Ranma brought one arm around to show his new Timex, which was taken from one of the many evil zombies he had vanquished. "It's about 6."  
  
Largo nodded and opened his beer. Shampoo glanced at the watch, then gasped.  
  
{Aiyah!! Is late! Shampoo need get back! So sorry!} Shampoo threw a regretful glance at Ranma, then started to run to where she had left her bike.  
  
{Hey, wait!} Ranma yelled out, and Shampoo stopped and turned toward him. {You wanna go out tomorrow?}  
  
Shampoo stood shock-still. Ranma was offering to take her on a date? This was the happiest day of her life!!  
  
{YES!!! Of course Shampoo go on date with Ranma!!}  
  
Ranma grinned at her. {Cool! I'll meet you in the park, okay? Around one 'o clock! Say hi to the old bat for me!}  
  
Shampoo nodded happily and waved to him as she jumped away.  
  
  
  
Largo watched her go, then raised an eyebrow at Ranma. "You are a lucky man."  
  
Ranma grinned. "I know. I can't believe that until now I just thought of her as some annoying chick who wouldn't leave me alone." Ranma snorted, then took a long sip from his beer. Then he started coughing spontaneously, spitting out most of the liquid onto the ground.  
  
Largo nodded sympathetically. "Yeah, I know. I've gotta find some place that sells imported beer. This stuff is awful." He chugged down his own can in four seconds flat, then tossed it in a nearby receptacle.  
  
{Ranchan! There you are!}  
  
Largo blinked as Ukyo ran across the park to the bench they were sitting on. Despite wearing a boy's uniform, she had stopped binding her breasts recently, and it showed. What really caught his attention, however, was the really big spatula strapped to her back.  
  
"Man. What kind of fly do you need THAT to swat?" Ranma ignored him.  
  
{Hey Ucchan! What's up?}  
  
Ukyo frowned. {Ranchan, what's going on? You weren't in school today... and what are you wearing?}  
  
Ranma smiled and dusted off his jacket as he stood up. {Pretty neat, huh? You like it?}  
  
Ukyo blinked. {Er... it's nice.}  
  
Ranma then wrapped an arm behind her, and Ukyo suddenly found herself eyes only inches away from his. {So, you wanna go out for ice cream?}  
  
Ukyo stared at him wide-eyed. {What did you say?}  
  
Ranma grinned widely. {I SAID,} he stated, emphasizing the last word with a quick peck to Ukyo's lips, {you wanna go out for ice cream?}  
  
Ukyo was frozen as the warmth from her heart and her lips met, and her entire body started to feel warm and fuzzy. The entire world seemed to melt away, and there was no one but her and her Ranchan.  
  
*Glomp* {I would LOVE some ice cream.}  
  
  
  
Usagi sighed from where she sat on Largo's shoulder.  
  
"Maybe I should just give up."  
  
"Squeak!" Boo agreed, before holding up a sign. [They don't pay us enough for this.]  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
{Hello! Shampoo back!}  
  
Cologne turned from her cooking to watch Shampoo come in. {Shampoo, where have you been? The dinner rush is just starting, and you know I can't rely on Mr. Part Time here.} She gestured to Mousse, who was trying to take an order from a potted plant as the customer held his head in his hands. {And... what are you wearing?}  
  
Shampoo backed up, then struck a slight pose. {You like? Ranma help Shampoo pick out!} The male customers in the restaurant, many of whom were ready to leave after dealing with the incompetent waiter, gave some very appreciative comments at the sight and decided it might be worth their time to stay.  
  
Mousse, predictably, didn't take the news very well. {What?! That fiend Saotome was with you?! Why I'll *Wham* Owwwww......}  
  
Cologne retracted her staff from where Mousse was smashed into the counter. {Oh, so you were with son-in-law. That's all right then. How is he?}  
  
Shampoo giggled and jumped up and down, causing every man in the room to focus his eyes on her breasts as they bounced with her. Many didn't even notice when the ladies they were eating with got up and left in disgust.  
  
{Is so exciting! Ranma be nice to Shampoo! He even ask Shampoo on date!}  
  
{WHAT?!?! I'LL KILL *WHAM!!* Urgh...}  
  
Cologne smiled up at her great great great... er, granddaughter. {Why, that's wonderful. But you'd better change now. We can discuss this later.}  
  
Shampoo nodded happily and bounced upstairs.  
  
Cologne sighed to herself and shoved Mousse's body off the counter that he had fallen over. Ah, to be young and in love. It was certainly about time that Ranma had started to show some interest in Shampoo. If the boy had just listened to his hormones in the first place like everyone else his age, then Shampoo would be pregnant by now, and she could be back in China, training her son in law so that he could teach his children to be the greatest generation of fighters ever born in the Amazon nation.  
  
Ah well. Time for that later. For now, she had customers to attend to.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
Konatsu was plenty worried when 8 o'clock rolled around, and had been jumping about restlessly for hours.  
  
Ukyo had not come back to the restaurant after school. This was bad in itself, but when the usual customers from Furinkan High came by, only to find that the Ucchan's hadn't opened yet, he had heard that Ukyo hadn't been seen since 5th period. Once it was also mentioned that Ranma was missing too, the situation became that much more dangerous. Hanging around Ranma, Ukyo could be anywhere, and be subjected to anything; almost every possible disaster (as well as many impossible disasters) was centered around Ranma, and whoever happened to be nearby was more often than not caught up in it.  
  
Unfortunately, Konatsu couldn't just go out and look for her; she had no idea where to look for either Ranma or his mistress. And what if she showed up while he was out?  
  
  
  
The cross dressing ninja was quite literally climbing on the walls with concern when the door opened, and Ukyo walked into the restaurant, humming to herself.  
  
{Oh! Mistress Ukyo! I... er... why are you dressed like that?} Konatsu stopped and stared.  
  
Even if Ukyo had given up, for the most part, the pretense that she was male, she still tended to wear masculine clothing. Until just now.  
  
The okinomiyaki chef was now decked out in a very small cut-off t-shirt that exposed everything below her breasts (not that it covered those that well either), and was wearing a pair of cut-off denim shorts as well to show maximum leg. In other words, quite a figure to attract attention. Konatsu himself was having more than a hard time of keeping his staring away from the expanses of bare skin.  
  
Her spatula was still there, but it was slung into a leather strap that had one end tied around her waist and the other end looped around her shoulder. Her small spatulas were now held in the loops of her shorts.  
  
Ukyo didn't shy away from Konatsu's staring, and chuckled before spinning around slowly, her long chestnut hair flowing around her neck in a spiral.  
  
{So? What do you think? Ranma picked it out himself!}  
  
The ninja blinked. {Ranma?}  
  
Ukyo nodded, then leaned back against the wall, clasping her hands in front of her. {I just had the most WONDERFUL day. Ranma finally noticed me! He's finally treating me like his fiancee! I can't believe it!} She turned her smile to Konatsu, and he reflected on how he had literally never seen the normally cheerful girl this ecstatic. {And he asked me out! We're going on a date tomorrow! He's meeting me at the park at one! *Sigh*......}  
  
Konatsu blinked. {Er... tomorrow's Saturday. Some of our regulars were kind of upset that we didn't open today...}  
  
Ukyo waved her hand, as if waving their concerns aside. {If they think that I'm going to sacrifice the greatest, most important opportunity of my life so that they can get a bite to eat, then they can go to the Nekohanten and suck ramen noodles for all I care. We didn't open today, and we won't open tomorrow.}  
  
Ukyo skipped up the stairs, her grin as bright as ever.  
  
Konatsu watched her go up, then shrugged his shoulders and sighed. Oh well. Maybe he could get some extra cleaning done tomorrow.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
Akane had later found out where Ukyo went, and had spent a good deal of time fuming over it. In fact, Nabiki had given her a discount-price report of where Ranma had been all day. She was curious about the dance clubs that had been assaulted and ransacked, but that curiosity was soon smashed beneath the formidable weight of her fury.  
  
Ranma had been seen with Ukyo. Not just hanging around her, or hitting her up for free food, but FLIRTING with her and holding her and even KISSING her!  
  
And as if that wasn't bad enough, before that Ranma was seen with that bimbo Shampoo! There was really nothing new in that case; Shampoo was grabbing him, snuggling away, etc. Actually, Nabiki had said that Ranma wasn't seen to be resisting this time, but Akane knew better; Ranma never resisted Shampoo's advances, and he was always flirting with her and encouraging her. That PERVERT!!!  
  
And on top of ALL that, Ranma was even seen going out with Ping-chan, that robot girl who he proposed to the night before!! Well, Nabiki had said that her contacts claimed he was running away as she threw large objects at him, but again, Akane was smarter than that. She knew that Ranma was flirting with her too, and even if she did hit him or something, it was probably in retaliation for something perverted he did. Served the jerk right.  
  
  
  
{Ah, I'm sorry Piro-kun, but I don't know where Ping-chan went. I'm sure she'll turn up sooner or later.}  
  
Piro nodded nervously from the far end of the table away from Akane, who was glowing a blazing red and looking like she wanted to grind the cup in her hands to powder. Soun and Genma were both cowering behind him, and impressive feat when they were both taller.  
  
{Th-Th-Th-Thank you... Ka-Ka-Kasumi-san...} He gulped, and the noise apparently attracted Akane's wrathful gaze for a moment. She broke eye contact a split second later, focusing once more on all the different ways she would hurt Ranma when he got back. Piro wanted to cry just from the glare, and Soun had already been reduced to tears.  
  
Seraphim hid behind his neck, having already been subjected to the briefest of Akane's I'm-gonna-kill-Ranma-next-time-I-see-him glares. "Scary..."  
  
  
  
*Bam* {Yo, I'm home!}  
  
"Piro! We got more beer, dude!"  
  
Genma and Soun clapped their hands together and gave thanks to the heavens. It was unfortunate that they'd have to pay for the boy's funeral, but ultimately necessary if they were to distract Akane's Death Gaze (tm) from themselves.  
  
Ranma walked in, apparently totally carefree in his new setup, which caused a raised eyebrow from Nabiki. Kasumi bowed and welcomed him, to which he thanked her.  
  
Largo's attention picked up what Ranma had apparently not noticed immediately. Namely Akane's deadly battle aura. "Uh... I think you're in trouble, dude."  
  
Ranma blinked, then looked at Akane. {Hey! What's up?}  
  
The aura pulsed. Genma splashed himself out of reflex, and Piro decided to join Soun in hiding behind the larger mass that the panda now provided.  
  
{And just WHERE have you been?} Akane asked far too calmly, even as her eye twitched.  
  
Ranma blinked. {I've been out with Shampoo and Ukyo. Why?}  
  
Akane growled and cocked back a fist. {YEAH RIGHT!!! Don't lie to me!! I know you were out with Shampoo, Ukyo, and...} what Ranma said finally registered. {What?}  
  
Ranma frowned. {I said, I was out with Shampoo and Ukyo.}  
  
Akane stared, and her battle aura started to tank. Ranma was admitting it? Then it flared up again. {Well what about Ping, huh?!}  
  
Ranma blinked some more. {Oh. Well, I guess you could say I was out with her too, though I wish she would have just stayed home.} He noted Akane's incredulous expression. {What?}  
  
{I don't believe this!} Akane growled. {You skip school to go out with your girlfriends, and you don't even deny it!!} Akane's fist sailed. And then she blinked, as Ranma was suddenly closer to her, past the punch that had found no home.  
  
{Why would I lie?} Ranma asked in genuine curiosity.  
  
{Because that's what you've always done before!!}  
  
Ranma shook his head. {Nah. It's just that I wasn't going out with them before.}  
  
Akane growled as her fury returned full force. {You expect me to believe that?!}  
  
Ranma chuckled. {Well, that's the thing. I figured, if I'm going to get hit no matter what I do, I might as enjoy myself and make sure I deserve it, right?}  
  
He backed away quickly, letting Akane's left hook pass just centimeters from his chin. {Besides, since when did you care who I spend my time with?}  
  
Largo spared a glance at Piro, who was clutching Soun in terror. His expression was one of worry, though also one of confusion; he couldn't understand a word they were saying!  
  
{I don't care!} Akane said, punctuating the last word with another punch that Ranma dodged. {This is what you get for being such a pervert!}  
  
Ranma blinked. {Pervert?}  
  
{Yeah! Don't think you can fool me! I know how you're always groping Shampoo! I'll bet you had your hands all over them!}  
  
Ranma shook his head in the negative, and Akane stopped in confusion.  
  
{No, no, it's not like that at all. You gotta take these things slow, you know? Well... okay, it was like that with Shampoo, but c'mon! She's always climbing on me! What am I gonna do, say "no"?} He grinned.  
  
The punch that Ranma just barely ducked under had enough feminine fury behind it to send Ryoga out cold. Akane turned to see Ranma stand up behind her, her anger continuing to build to levels previously unknown even to human females.  
  
{Ah! Come on! They seemed to really like it! I even helped them pick out new wardrobes! Ukyo looks SO hot in shorts, you wouldn't believe it!}  
  
{DIE!!!} Akane shot forward with her arms extended, planning to grab Ranma and choke the perverted life out of him. Her hands ended up going through the opposite wall instead, and by the time she freed them, she couldn't see Ranma anywhere.  
  
{Where is he?!?!} Akane shouted, glaring at the people in the room (except for Kasumi, who she could never focus a glare at, naturally). Then she settled her gaze on Largo.  
  
{You! You have something to do with this!! Where is he?!}  
  
Largo blinked. "Uh... lessee... ohayo? No, wait... er, sake! Uh, nano... uhm... sushi..."  
  
Akane screamed incoherently in frustration, and stalked up the stairs.  
  
Largo gazed at her back. "Man, Ranma was right. She just might be a demonic presence! I'd better check her out later."  
  
With Akane out of the room, the other inhabitants began looking around, themselves curious as to where Ranma went. They were all quite surprised when he rolled out from under the dining room table.  
  
Nabiki blinked. {Well, that was a new approach to Akane's temper. Have you ever considered life insurance, Ranma?} Ranma chuckled at the joke made at his expense. Largo walked up and clapped him on the shoulder.  
  
"Dude, how'd you do that? I didn't even see where you went!"  
  
Ranma grinned. "I'm just that good. Ph33r the 5|1||z!" He high-fived Largo, right before Soun turned him around to face him and Genma.  
  
{Son, what is this about you going out with Shampoo?}  
  
[You had better not be cheating on your fiancee, boy!]  
  
Ranma shook his head. {Now, now, I was just joking about having my hands all over Shampoo.} 'Not.' {I'm not interested in a purely physical relationship with either of them. I view them both as people and individuals, and only seek a healthy, strong relationship with my fiancees built on trust and mutual respect.}  
  
Nabiki's eyebrow shot up, and she almost fell over as the elbow she was leaning on slipped off the table.  
  
Soun and Genma stared at him.  
  
{Uh... that's nice...} Soun began, when he was suddenly interrupted, by Kasumi, of all people.  
  
{Why Ranma! That's so mature of you! I'm very glad to hear that!} Kasumi's smile showed nothing but approval, which further messed up Soun's thought processes.  
  
  
  
Piro watched as Ranma headed up the stairs, a grin on his face and a spring in his step.  
  
"What's going on?" he asked hopelessly.  
  
"Damned if I know," Seraphim responded. "But when I get my hands on that ditz and that stupid hamster..." her eyes narrowed.  
  
Piro stood up, then followed Largo into the room they shared. This was going too far. Something had to be done.  
  
"Ah! Sw337, [00|, American 833r! Come to me, fresh nectar of mortals!"  
  
But first, he had to keep Largo from getting too sloshed to communicate with.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
As Largo slept, he dreamed. He dreamt of the 6r347 3\/1| that infested Japan, an 3\/1| that was it his responsibility to root out and destroy. It was only a matter of time. Soon the battle would be joined.  
  
  
  
As Largo slept, Piro didn't. A conversation with his companion very rarely yielded any helpful results, but this time, Piro was just plain frightened. Largo was messing with a force he simply didn't understand, and the young man had a way of making a situation worse whenever he tweaked it.  
  
He sighed. At least Ping-chan would be okay. Once Sony fixed her, anyway.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
As Shampoo slept, she dreamed. She usually dreamt of Ranma, but tonight's dreams were different. There were no hopeless tragedies of Ranma being dragged kicking and screaming to the Amazon village, or equally hopeless fantasies of Akane being crushed into a bloody paste, and Ranma throwing himself at her in thanks. This time, there was only a bright happy future, with the pleasures of marriage surrounding her. There were images of Ranma's gentle affections, words of love, and rigors of her first pregnancy as they started their own family.  
  
There was no Amazon village, or Cologne, or Akane. Only Ranma, and her.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
As Ukyo slept, she dreamed. Her dreams were largely unchanged; there were images of wedding cakes, ceremonial kimonos, and wedding parties. But amongst the usual festivities of the happiest day of her life, there was one very important difference: Ranma had always before been there, but almost in the background. He was there, yet not. A part of her dreams, and in fact a vital component, but still separate, distant from her, even as the marriage ceremony began.  
  
But this was different. He was there. The dream seemed to center around him. She smiled at her love, and he smiled back. She made a joke, and he laughed the loudest. And then before the ceremony began, he held her close, and gave her a kiss that seemed to stretch into infinity...  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
As Akane slept, she dreamed.  
  
She dreamt of many things. Most of them centered around Ranma. As much as she hated it, ever since he had shown up, nearly every event of note revolved around him. She had always enjoyed (or was it despised?) the "VIP" status she had been spontaneously given as Ranma's first fiancee, and abused that status regularly by her own whim. He was always by her side, and no matter what she did, for better or for worse, he always would be.  
  
But something had happened. It had only been one day, but somehow, she knew, the status quo had changed, and she wasn't at all sure where she placed now. That American had done something to Ranma.  
  
Akane dreamed. A smile crossed her face as little chibi-Ranma's were smashed into the ground in a large Whack-A-Mole Machine. That pervert would get his.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
  
  
As Ranma slept, he dreamed. He dreamt of his life's experiences. The places he had been, and the people he had met. So far, from his new perspective on life, it mostly sucked.  
  
He had almost no control of his life. He was constantly pushed and pulled in one direction or another, and frequently swept into circumstances far beyond his control; usually circumstances that people blamed him for in the first place. He received not praise for trying to do what was right, but, more often than not, beatings.  
  
He was forced to live his life under the same roof with the one girl he was engaged to who DIDN'T want desperately to get into his pants, who in fact showed him far more scorn than affection, and who attacked him regularly for even associating with other girls who would (and in some cases, have tried to) kill for the same chance with him. He had never asked for any of them, but did that matter? Of course not.  
  
Well, now was the reign of the L33T.  
  
Life was a game.  
  
And from now on, Ranma was playing by different rules.  
  
  
  
*************************************************************************** *******  
  
  
  
End Chapter 3 


	4. 7R14L5 0 7H3 H053 1

L33T Ranma  
Chapter 4  
a Ranma 0.5/MegaTokyo crossover  
by Black Dragon  
  
Standard disclaimer applies. Ranma belongs to the all-powerful and most revered Rumiko Takahashi. MegaTokyo belongs to Largo-san and Piro-san. This was done on a challenge. Don't sue me or flame me, I'm only partially resposible for this. Some scenes may be more or less taken straight from MegaTokyo comics, without their permission.  
  
As far as continuity goes, the Ranma part takes off after the Mt. Pheonix battle and failed wedding, etc., and the MegaTokyo part right after Piro and Largo are forced onto the streets.  
  
Key: Words in " " are English or untranslated Japanese, [ ] are signs or writing, { } is Japanese, ' ' are thoughts, ( ) are comments. SPECIAL NOTE: Complex L33T will be followed by a translation in ( ). You may consider them comments, of a sort. Or not. I don't really care.  
  
L33T Ranma!  
Part Four  
7R14L5 0|= 7H3 [H053|\| 1  
  
**********************************************************************************  
  
Genma groggily shook himself from the comforting blanket of sleep as sunlight poured into the Saotomes' temporary home. Lifting himself to an upright position, he stretched and started working the kinks out of his neck.  
He was human at the moment, which for him was unusual. Genma usually slept in his panda form at night, as it was far more comfortable, and the panda's form almost seemed geared for laziness, which Genma had found rather useful.  
He was in human form because he had stayed up late drinking with Soun, lamenting about Ranma's sudden and bizarre change of attitude concerning Akane.  
Genma frowned, and smirked slightly at the lump that lay on the futon next to him. Well, since Ranma had somehow picked up an attitude, it was naturally Genma's duty, as his father, to beat it out of him!  
{"On your feet, boy!"} Genma kicked the form under the covers fiercely, sending two pillows flying into the opposite wall.  
Genma blinked. Pillows.  
{"Ha ha ha! Nice try Pop, but it's game over!"}  
Genma turned around and frowned at his son, who was leaning on the opposite wall and grinning at him. And wearing that ridiculous punk get-up rather than his usual Chinese clothes. Had the boy joined a gang or something?  
He crossed his arms over his chest and sighed. {"Boy, I really don't know what to do with you. First you string along all those girls of yours, and constantly fight with Akane. And now this... Goth?"}  
{"L33T."} Ranma corrected.  
{"'L33T' thing. Fighting with Akane in front of everybody! ADMITTING that you cheated on her! Boy, do you realize that if she kills you, my retirement goes right out the window?! Stop being so selfish and marry her!"}  
Ranma snorted. {"'Stringing along all those girls'? And whose fault is it that I'm engaged to Ukyo anyway, huh Pop? And who was the genius that decided to drag me to China, to Jusenkyou, and then to an Amazon village when he couldn't speak, read, or understand Chinese?!"}  
Genma glared at his son, then sighed once more. {"Boy, I hate to say this, but it appears that all my attempts at proper discipline have gone for naught. Starting today, I shall retrain you from the beginning!"}  
Ranma barked out a laugh. {"Oh, please! You think you have anything to teach me? And you call marrying Akane 'discipline'? More like suicide!"}  
Genma growled. {"Boy, you'll marry Akane and like it! Have you no honor?!"}  
Ranma's eyes grew cold, and Genma was taken aback by the fury he portrayed. {"Fool! You think to lecture me about honor? You know nothing of such things!"} Ranma turned pointedly and looked out the room's single window. {"Honor is not trying to distract your opposing player to score free hits on his character! Honor is not using a super combo when your opponent is trapped in a dizzy! Honor is not scoring enough hits to get ahead, and then turtling until the clock runs out! Honor is not using glitches or cheats! What know you of honor?"}  
Genma stared blankly at his son, then scratched his head. {"Boy, are you feeling okay? Akane didn't smash your head on a rock again, did she?"}  
Ranma snorted once again, and then moved into a loose combat stance. {"Prepare yourself for a lesson in pain, father. J00 \/\/1|| F4|| B-4 |\/|`/ 5|1||Z!"}  
'That's it. The boy's finally snapped. I always knew living here like this would break him eventually, but I was sure that it would be marriage to Akane that would finally do him in!' {"All right boy, I'm doing this for your own good!"} Genma yelled, and then leapt into a flying kick.  
Ranma's eyes gleamed. "Bring it on, L00Z3|2..."  
__________________________________________________________________________________  
  
Piro bowed deeply to Kasumi as he entered the dining room, and squatted down at the table.  
{"Good morning Piro! How did you sleep?"}  
{"Well enough, thank you. Ah, where's Largo?"}  
Kasumi put a finger to her chin in thought. {"I saw him earlier... he took some beer, an English phone book and a map and went to the dojo, I believe."}  
{"Dojo... right... thank you."} Piro sighed and waited patiently for breakfast to be served. How was he going to fix this mess? The situation just seemed to go from bad to worse. He had proven unable to restrain Largo, one of their hosts had turned into a psychotic-gamer-in-training, Ping-chan had malfunctioned badly, and that short-haired girl hauling around the mallet was scaring the wits out of him. And the worst part was, this wasn't the worst part. Seraphim had predicted that things would come to a head soon, for better or for worse.  
With Largo, worst-case scenarios were a fairly optimistic gesture; he could get into trouble that few would deem possible.  
*Crash!* The house shook, and Piro jerked to his feet, staring about in panic.  
*Bam!* The living room trembled again, nearly knocking him back down. He was about to shout for help and run for the phone, when he realized that Kasumi was still humming to herself in the kitchen like nothing was wrong.  
And then...  
"Shin Shoryuken!!" *WHAM!!* *Crash!* Broken glass showered into the back yard, and Piro stared wide-eyed as a white streak flew off into the distance.  
Once again, his eyes darted to the kitchen. Kasumi was breaking eggs into a non-stick pan. He twitched.  
Wondering what exactly was wrong with this family, Piro started upstairs to where the noise had originated. Upon reaching it, he slowly opened the door, ready to jump to the side if anything flew out at him.  
Nothing did, and when he worked up enough nerve to peek into the room, he had to blink in surprise.  
Ranma was there, standing with his arms crossed and his head down slightly, with the tails of his Mortal Kombat bandanna flying in the wind.  
Piro blinked again. The tails were fluttering parallel to the outside wall, with no possible breeze to lift them. "How-?"  
"I'm just that good," Ranma interrupted, then came out of his victory pose. "Ah, Piro. Good morning." Ranma smiled good-naturedly, and patted the American on the back.  
"Er... good morning. What was all that noise?"  
Ranma chuckled slightly. "Just taking care of business, my friend. Say, do you know where Master Largo is?"  
"'Master' Largo," Piro began somewhat sarcastically, "is in the dojo. I think he's planning something."  
Ranma nodded thoughtfully, and Piro cleared his throat. "Look, Ranma, we have to talk."  
Ranma nodded decisively. "I agree." Then he moved over, and sat down on his father's futon before gesturing for Piro to do the same next to him.  
Piro sat down slowly, confused. "Really? It's about Largo-"  
"Another time, perhaps," Ranma waved off the topic. "What I need to know about is dating games."  
Piro blinked. "Dating games?"  
Ranma nodded. "Yes. It would seem that my |\/|4|] 5|i||z are useless before the looming shadow of simulated social interaction. As I understand it, Master Largo is similarly lacking. So I humbly ask for your council." Ranma stood up to bow deeply, leaving Piro a tad breathless.  
The American scratched his head, chuckling nervously. "Uh... well, I mean... I guess it couldn't hurt to give you a few pointers. Anything in particular?"  
Ranma nodded. "I thank you. This will be of great help in my training." He coughed into his hand. "Now, let's say, hypothetically, that I invited two girls who are in love with me but absolutely despise each other on a date for the same time, but they don't know it. How would I diffuse the initial reactions?" Ranma's expression was one of sheer concentration and focus. "Hypothetically," he added again.  
Piro sweatdropped. "Ooh... that's a tough one, all right. What are your choices?"  
"You tell me."  
Piro scratched his chin in thought. "Well... I suppose first you should simply try to calm them down. Something to distract them from each other first, then get their attention and get them to wait for an explanation. The real trick would be..."  
  
Usagi continued drawing little circles on the wood of the bookshelf she was standing on with the toe of her shoe as Seraphim glared at her meaningfully.  
"It was YOUR job to keep tabs on him! How could you let all this happen?!"  
Usagi winced and sniffled. "I'm sorry! Please don't be mad!"  
Seraphim's gaze didn't lesson. "All right blondie, how are you planning to fix this?"  
Usagi blinked, and her forehead wrinkled in thought. "Uh... keep Ranma away from video games? They seem to be the cause of this..."  
Seraphim shook her head. "Even if you were capable of that, it'd just cause a breakdown in his mental functions until he degenerates into a psychotic murder. Try again."  
Usagi sweatdropped. "Uh... get him on a date with that nice brunette and hope she keeps him in line?"  
Seraphim rolled her eyes. "Ranma's personality is far too assertive and independent. If anything, Ukyo would probably be the one 'put in line'."  
Usagi started sweating more as she remembered yesterday afternoon. "Kill Largo?" She tried desperately.  
Seraphim nodded. "Good. It's about time you showed some brains. Now where do we put the body after we're done?"  
Usagi's eyes bugged out. "But... I mean... we can't... I was just kidding!"  
"So was I." Seraphim sighed and rubbed her head. "Besides, Largo is a client. It's against company policy." She stopped and frowned. "Though... if I got Boo reassigned first..."  
Usagi didn't like this path of thought (she was a good conscience), so she changed the subject. "So, what should I do?"  
"Keep an eye on him and try to influence his behavior. He may be L33T, but that just makes him stupid, not evil. Remember, he's not the same person he used to be. Right and wrong are irrelevant to him, so try different incentives." Her eye was caught momentarily by the conversation on the floor of the Saotomes' room. "What the hell..."  
  
"... But overall, they shouldn't complain, right? You just want to get to know them better. If they're really in love with you already, then they might be willing to compete a little." Piro finished.  
"Oh, believe me, they're more than willing to compete," Ranma muttered.  
*Poof* Seraphim alighted on Piro's head, and glared down at her client. "Piro, what are you doing?"  
Piro blinked. "Oh, uh... just giving Ranma a few pointers on dating games. Why?"  
The small winged woman twitched. "And what are you SUPPOSED to be doing?"  
Piro's face was blank. "Uh..."  
"Hey, cute conscience! Hi little babe, name's Ranma!" Ranma took her hand between his forefinger and thumb and wiggled it in a bizzarre imitation of a western handshake.  
"Hi, I'm Seraphim," she answered back, and then shook her head. "I've seen your file. You were doing pretty good before. Not perfect, but you've been under a lot of stress at the same time."  
Ranma snorted. "Tell me about it."  
Seraphim looked back down at Piro. "See what Largo has done to him? And in such a short time!"  
Piro snapped his fingers. "Oh! Right!" He then turned to Ranma. "Ranma, about Largo. This whole 'L33T' thing is just a popular culture sham. It's just some dumb thing from America, you know?"  
Ranma snorted again and shook his head. "'Dumb thing'? 'Popular culture sham'? You know not what you speak." Ranma stood up, and a light blue haze enveloped him as he raised a fist to the air dramatically. "L33T is so much more! It is a force! A way of life! Just as the great Druids of popular AD&D rulesets worship nature to harness its power, so we recognize and wield the powers of technology!"  
"Yeah, okay, forget the talk, it's a lost cause. This guy's lost it already," Seraphim muttered.  
Ranma lowered his hand and rested it on Piro's shoulder. "But of course, you do not yet understand. Follow Largo, friend. He will show you the way."  
*Bam!* Largo burst into the room, fluttering a piece of paper in his hand. "D00d! I found an arcade!"  
Ranma smiled at Piro. "See?" Piro sweatdropped.  
Seraphim stared at Boo. "Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me." The tiny hamster was wearing a rounded plastic army hat along with twin ammo belts criss-crossed over his chest.  
Piro twitched. "Uh... Largo, what are you doing?"  
Largo grinned. "We're on a mission! I was up late last night planning, and I've decided it's time to take on the zombie infestation once and for all! But because we're lacking crossbows, we'll need allies."  
"And you're going to find allies... at an arcade?" Piro deadpanned.  
Ranma grinned and clapped Largo on the shoulder as he walked to stand behind his master. "7|200 63N1U5 once again, Master!" Seraphim shook her head sadly at the sight.  
A thought occurred to Piro. "Wait. It took you all morning to find an arcade? Kasumi said the book was in English..."  
Largo shook his head. "Naw, that just took a minute. I spent the rest of the time carving a helmet and ammo belts for Boo out of a plastic cup and rubber bands."  
"Squeak!"  
Piro winced as Seraphim held a hand to her forehead.  
"Christ, I need an Aspirin..."  
Largo ignored her and exited, with Boo on his shoulder and Ranma on his heels. "Onward, fellow L33T! Victory over the zombie hoards! 2 4|2|\/|5!"  
Piro stared listlessly at the empty doorway. "Well... I think I'll go for a walk."  
Seraphim whirled on him. "A walk?! This is an emergency! Why?!"  
"To clear my head," Piro muttered, "before my brain melts and starts dripping out of my ears."  
__________________________________________________________________________________  
  
Largo stopped before the building and took a deep, meditative breath, almost as if drawing in some grand energy that surrounded the structure.  
"Look, my student. Is it not [00lzor?"  
Ranma nodded somberly. "Indeed Master, it is a grand sight. But I must ask, will we truly find allies of sufficient 5|1||z here? Surely L33T trained by any less than you would be little but a burden to us."  
Largo smirked slightly, and stuck his hands in his pockets. "Well, we shall see, won't we? Hopefully they will have some useful 5|1||z." His smirk faded as he approached the doors. "'Sides, if they don't, we could always use Rent-A-Zilla."  
Ranma nodded in agreement, and entered the arcade after Largo.  
  
The two L33T looked about cautiously once they were inside, not seeing anyone. The place was rather spacious, with a large brick wall facing the entrance, partially covered by a conspicuous curtain. The ceiling was very high and had metal scaffolding with lights, suggesting that the building had been originally designed for a purpose very unlike the use it was being put to.  
"Is anybody here?" Ranma asked, more to himself than anything. Row after row of machines stood before him and his master, colored lights playing across each one.  
Largo's eyes narrowed. "...... Yes. They are here. I can sense them. [0|\/|3!"  
Ranma followed Largo as he approached the edge of the building, and his own senses began to tingle, slightly offset by the assortment of noises from the various machines.  
Suddenly, a strong male voice rang out of the corner they were approaching, stopping student and master in their steps.  
{"Block! Block! Roll! Look for the opening! Hit him! No, in the opening! Fool! His recovery time isn't that good! Do it again!"}  
Largo looked toward Ranma, once again having not understood a bloody syllable.  
"It sounds like... a drill," Ranma breathed, slowly walking further toward the voice.  
{"Light punch! Light punch! Quarter circle forward, medium kick! Now the super! NO!! You missed the window, scrub!"}  
Ranma was about to reach the end of the row they were in and turn to meet the voice, but Largo reached forward and clapped a hand on his shoulder. Ranma turned to look at him questioningly.  
"Allow me," Largo said. "You are a good student, but you are not a Master yet. Let me deal with them first."  
Ranma nodded in understanding, and Largo stepped forward, into the unknown.  
  
What he saw was about what he expected.  
At the controls of Street Fighter Alpha 3 was a small man who likely wouldn't survive an encounter with even a small magnet. He had piercings everywhere; in his nose, his ears, his eyebrows, and his lips, just to name the highest concentrations. He had hot red hair, obviously dyed, that was set into spikes that jabbed straight up.  
Yelling at him was a man who looked tall for an Asian. He had no deliberate body deformations, and his black hair was tied quite simply into a short ponytail off to the left side of his head, so that his hair hid his left eye.  
Behind him were two others. The most noticeable was a fat kid with his arms completely covered in interwoven tattoos, up beyond his sleeves. And probably beyond his sleeves, judging how he had patches of red ink spiking up his neck. He was shaved bald.  
The least noticeable, though most curious, was a guy of average height with his head down. He was wearing some charms around his neck, and his shoulder-length hair was black with thin streaks of pure white in them. He had chains around his wrists, his waist, and ankles and wore a headband with a large black eye insignia on the front.  
{"What's wrong with you?! Don't invite him to attack! Your moves have higher priority! Keep attacking, and you'll emerge victorious!"} The tall one yelled, causing the smaller one to squeak loudly and nod his head, though he was sweating badly.  
{"Yo, we have company!"} The fat one yelled, causing all but the guy with the chains to turn around in surprise.  
The tall one, apparently the leader, looked Largo over, and then raised an eyebrow as Ranma walked up behind him.  
{"Well, this is a surprise. What brings the great and all-powerful Ranma Saotome to our humble little house of 'fake fighting'?"} He sneered as he said the last words mockingly, and Ranma's eyes narrowed.  
"Speak English, man. I can't understand a word of that gibberish you call a language," Largo said bluntly, crossing his arms across his chest.  
The leader looked up at him, then chuckled. "Ah. An American. Well Mr. USA, I'm afraid we don't speak 'Engrish' too much around here. If you wanna play, you're gonna hafta speak the language, fool."  
Ranma growled, and took a step forward, but Largo's arm shot up, blocking his path.  
The Master L33T just smirked. "_|0, |]15 8373|2 |=0 _|00?" (Would this manner of speech be acceptable?)  
All three of the men looking at Largo looked slightly surprised, though it only lasted a moment.  
The leader nodded. "50 _|00|2 |_337. 600|]. _|00 \/\/4|\||\|4 B 0\/\/|\|z0|23|]?" (So you are an L33T. Very well, would you care to partake in our gaming exercises?)  
Largo shook his head. "|\|0. \/\/3 60774 70| 53|2105, |]00|]." (Unfortunately, I have another matter of the utmost importance to relate.)  
The Japanese man scratched his chin for a moment, then nodded. "\/\/|-|473\/3|2." (Indeed, if the matter be that grievous, then let us put aside our play and discuss your concerns.)  
Then he gestured to the other three men. "J0, 7|-|353 5{|2|_|8z R |\/|`/ 6|_|`/5," (These fine gentlemen are my comrades-in-arms. May I introduce,) he pointed to the small one that he had been yelling at, "Jack," then to the fat one, "Gatt," and then toward the other young man, who hadn't moved from his position, "4|\||] Ghost." Finally, he pointed towards himself. "1'|\/| Blitz."  
Ranma blinked. "5700|1|] |\|4|\/|35." (Surely, those strange titles cannot be your true identities.)  
Blitz snorted. "50 |-|00r _|00?" (We have identified ourselves, might you introduce yourselves?)  
Largo nodded his head. "1 4|\/| Largo, L33T|\/|4573|2 5|_|||23|\/|3. 7|-|15 15 |\/|`/ 4||`/ 4|\||] ||_||1|_, Ranma."  
There was some blinking, and suddenly, Gatt and Jack began whispering to themselves quickly. However, Blitz quickly held up a hand, bringing their conversation to a halt.  
"1 533. \/\/47 |]00 _|00 \/\/4|\|7?" (And what is this matter of urgency you speak of?)  
Largo's expression was rock-hard. "84|] 57|_|||-| |]00|], 53|210|_|5|`/." (A dark plague of the undead threatens to overwhelm all of Tokyo, casting this land in the great shadow of oblivion. I ask that you join me and my pupil, so that we may combat this evil together, and reign victorious.)  
Blitz snorted. "54|\/|3 45 |_457 \/\/33|." (Tokyo has undergone such trials in the past, and survived without our assistance. It will do so again.)  
Largo shook his head in frustration. "7|-|15 1z |\|0 |\/|3|23 '7|214|', |=00|! 7|-|3 |_||\||]34|] |-|0|2|]35 7|-||23473|\| 4||!" (This attack cannot be ignored! The undead will wipe out everything! Your homes, your family!)  
Blitz just rolled his eyes and turned away. "637 |057, 5{|2|_|8. J00 |]0|\|7 83|0|\|6 |-|3|23." (It can be ignored, and it will. We Japanese are a hardy people, and will weather such attacks as we always have. Leave us, loser.)  
Largo raised a hand to protest for a moment, and then slowly let it drop. Shaking his head, he started to turn away.  
"1 |-|4\/3 |-|34r|] 3|\|u|=!" (I have heard enough!)  
All present turned to look at Ranma, even Ghost (who seemed to be ignoring the whole incident).  
"_|00 _|3|2|z 60|\||\|4 637 8347!" (We come bearing warning, and you treat us with scorn? To think that the commoners of Japan have sunk so low! Perhaps you deserve a lesson in a language you can truly understand?) Ranma cracked his knuckles ominously, and Jack and Gatt flinched away.  
Blitz stared at him coolly. "{0|\/||\/|0|\|3|25? \/\/3 R |\|-"  
"51|3|\|{3!" Ranma shouted. "_|00|2 |\|07 L33T! _|00 \/\/0|_|||] |37 4|| |=4|| B4 7|-|3 z0|\/|813 |-|0|2|]3!" (You dare disgrace the great and noble L33T with your filth? You are not deserving of the title! You, who would let your homes, your families, your ARCADES fall to the great darkness that threatens us all! I refuse to acknowledge such a prestigious title to one so low!) Ranma's voice was acid seething over ice, and even Blitz seemed to look a little surprised.  
Ranma turned away sharply. "5{|2|_|5 |1|3 _|00 5|-|0|_|1|] 574`/ 0|_|774 R \/\/4`/." (Fools. If you will not assist us, then we will find others more capable, and far more intelligent. We take our leave of you.)  
Largo stared at his disciple as Ranma walked away slowly, and then turned to gaze at the uncertain-looking gamers. Shaking his head sadly, Largo at last turned to follow his companion, held bowed slightly in a gesture of disappointment.  
  
"Wait."  
Largo and Ranma jerked to a stop, and each slowly turned.  
Blitz held a hand out, though he seemed very unsure of himself. "Look. I'm not saying that what you say is true, but maybe there's more to this than either of us realize."  
Largo blinked. "Come again?"  
"There is a legend," Ghost spoke softly, startling Ranma and Largo, "events churn in the vortex of reality, and all can be lost in a moment. Dare we place our trust lightly?" The mysterious boy looked up at Ranma curiously.  
Largo grimaced. "Look, d00d, we're just asking for some extra hands here. I don't want you to die for us anything."  
"You ask us to put our lives in danger, right?" Gatt asked, and eyebrow raised.  
Ranma snorted. "Our lives are already in danger. It's just a matter of fighting, or being snuffed out like a battle tank in a mech skirmish."  
Blitz nodded. "So you say. And that may all be true. However, we have no reason to trust you or take your commands..." he pursed his lips, and broke eye contact. "... Yet..."  
Largo frowned, crossing his arms over his chest. "Eplai4n."  
Blitz coughed into his hands. "As Ghost said, we have an old legend in this arcade. Jack, if you will?"  
The heavily pierced boy nodded as he jumped off his stool, and ran over to the section of the large brick wall that had a curtain over it. Jack yanked on the cover, and Largo and Ranma's eyes widened.  
"Whoa..."  
"It can't be..."  
Boo crawled atop Largo's head, frowning. [I don't get it. It's just a lot of zeroes and ones spraypainted on the wall.]  
Blitz blinked. "Uh... d00d... what's with the hamster?"  
"Huh? Oh... he's my conscience..." Largo spoke dismissively, eyes glued to the wall.  
Blitz raised an eyebrow. "Right... okay. Anyway, this is the ancient legend of this arcade, mysteriously appearing on this wall overnight after the grand opening. My grandfather, the owner of this place, was going to wash it off, but luckily, Jack here realized its significance in time for it to be preserved."  
Ranma turned to the boy. "What is it?"  
Jack smirked. "It's a truly ancient dialect of L33T. The FIRST dialect: 81|\|4ry.."  
Ranma and Largo gasped.  
Jack nodded, his smiled growing. "Indeed. Just as ancient man kept his first ideas and recordings in the form of crude pictures that merely conveyed a vague idea as to what his thoughts were, so has some wizened computer prophet left us with our golden prophecy; a milky, mist-veiled picture of the future of our people!"  
Largo rolled his eyes. "Uh huh. Right. What's it say?"  
Jack glared at the American for a moment, then cleared his throat and faced the wall. "Well, naturally, neither a literal nor precise translation is possible, but as the legend goes, a great L33T, a master hacker and gamer with the |\/|4|) 5|1||z of a thousand L33T and the common sense of a sheep will appear from the holy land of silicon and AD&D, the land graced with the overwhelming glory of Westwood, and the vile plague of Microsoft."  
Largo nodded. "America..."  
Jack grinned. "Correct, Largo-san. He will take upon him and apprentice, one ill-versed in the ways of gaming, but with 1n54n3 m4r714| 4r7z 5|1||z. He will be Japanese, and he will be our leader."  
Ranma blinked. "Your leader?"  
Blitz nodded. "Correct. Not just the leader of us four, not just a leader of the L33T, but a leader of ALL Japan. 7H3 [H053|\| 1 will come to us one day, save Japan from the clutches of a great evil, and then seize this great nation for the glory of himself and all L33T. So it is written. Sort of. Like Jack said, it's kinda vague and all that." Blitz shrugged.  
Ghost eyed Ranma, his face the picture of neutral curiosity. "Are you 7H3 [H053|\| 1? I think we shall see, Ranma-san."  
Ranma grinned. "Just Ranma, please."  
Blitz raised an eyebrow and stood up fully. "So, you will take our challenge then?"  
Ranma shrugged. "\/\/|-|47 7|-|3 #3||?" (I know not whether I be this [H053|\| 1, but I will endure any trial you wish to offer. Bring it on.)  
Largo frowned, and stepped forward. "Wait. He is inexperienced, yet. Don't you want to test me, to see if I'm the master in your prophecy?"  
Ghost shook his head decisively. "The master matters not, for one so great has many students. This test will divine none but 7H3 [H053|\| 1 himself."  
Largo looked a bit anxious, but Ranma placed a hand on his shoulder comfortingly.  
"|\/|4573|2, PH33r not. J00 have 7aught7 me well. Whether I lose this battle, or commence with major beatdownz, I have no regrets."  
Atop his head, Boo squeaked softly. Largo stared down at his pupil, and then slowly smiled.  
"Very well, my student. Your time has come."  
Ranma turned around toward Blitz.  
Largo raised his fist to the air. "Let the 0wnz0ring 8361|\|!!"  
  
Blitz's eyes narrowed as they met Ranma's, and the arcade supervisor raised his hand, flexing his index finger in a gesture of beckoning.  
"We shall do this |\/|`/ \/\/4`/. Bring forth the machine!"  
Gatt nodded and yanked on a nearby rope that was suspiciously hanging down out of nowhere, and then slowly let it back up.  
Ranma's eyes narrowed to match Blitz's as a platform slowly descended from high above, a single arcade machine atop it.  
Blitz smirked, his aggression apparently vanishing. "One of the most underappreciated games of it's time: Capcom vs. SNK. Four buttons, two grooves, and no air blocks. Button-mashers are crushed, and turtlers are sent crying to their mommas. This is old-school combat at it's best. Are you prepared?"  
Ranma nodded firmly. "8r1n6 17 0|\|."  
  
Largo calmly looked over Blitz's companions as Ranma took his position. Gatt and Jack were practically chewing their nails, while Ghost had an almost... expectant look. This would be interesting.  
Atop Largo's shoulders, Usagi, who had at some point changed into a cheerleader outfit, and Boo both danced from side to side, waving pom-poms.  
"Ranma! Ranma! Kick his bun! We know you're 7H3 [H053|\| 1!!"  
"Squeak! Squeak! Squeeeeeek!!"  
  
The character select screen glared in the two combatants' faces.  
Blitz scrolled around a bit with the joystick, then nodded slowly, centering over first Kyo, and then lightly tapping the button.  
Ranma felt small beads of sweat form. 'I can see why his he is known as "Blitz". Such speed and precision, even when he's just choosing his fighter!'  
Blitz smirked slightly, and tapped the joystick over to illuminate Ryu's picture. The screen flashed.  
Ranma quickly averted his eyes, knowing that he must now make his decision. This would not be an easy battle.  
"|-|urr`/, 5[r|_|8, j00r 8347|]0\/\/n 4w4i7z."  
Ranma grit his teeth, then scrolled over to the one ratio character selection, stopping atop Blanka.  
"Ranma!" A voice jerked him from his concentration, and he started as the sound seemed to reverberate through the arcade like an echo.  
"M-Master?" Ranma gaped.  
"Use the 5|1||z, Ranma!" The echoing voice urged. Ranma gulped, unsure of what to make of the strange voice in his head.  
If he had looked behind him, he would have noticed that Blitz, Gatt, and Jack were all looking about in confusion.  
A bead of sweat trailed down Ranma's brow. He gently moved the selection box over Iori.  
"Trust in your feelings, Ranma!"  
Ranma gulped, and then his eyes hardened. "Yes master! Ph33r not! I will avenge your demise!"  
Ranma tapped the control stick down twice before his head snapped up. "Wait a minute. Largo-sensei isn't dead."  
Blitz growled at the American, who was holding a microphone at a station behind the arcade main counter. "Stop messing with the P.A. system, stupid!"  
Ranma sweatdropped, but his gaze focused back on the screen.  
Blitz turned back around, muttering under his breath about the incompetence of foreigners. Then he blinked. "Evil Ryu, huh?"  
Ranma's features hardened, and he tapped the control stick.  
Blitz raised an eyebrow. "Akuma. I see..."  
Then Ranma smirked, and tapped the stick a final time before swiftly hitting the button.  
Blitz's jaw immediately dropped. "Orochi Iori?! You've gotta be kidding me!"  
Ranma smiled. "I |1|] j00 n07. L3t 17 b36in."  
Suddenly, Largo grabbed him by the shoulders, startling him out of his concentration.  
"PH00|!! I said to use your feelings, not your ego!! You can't win with Orochi Iori! The ratio imbalance is too great, and his lack of extra hard-hitting techniques will cripple you! You'll be wiped out!"  
Ranma tore himself from his master's grip, focusing once more on the game. "I will WIN!!! Speed and technique will always conquer power and hard combos!"  
Blitz snorted. "You insult me. Very well. This game will end as it has begun, scrub. Now FIGHT!!!"  
  
Ranma watched as Kyo spoke his generic opening lines, which were returned in kind by Orochi Iori's maniac snarl.  
The screen flashed, and the clock began.  
Kyo immediately dashed toward Ranma, executing a perfectly timed roundhouse that tagged the very edge of Iori's block. Ranma tried a leg sweep in return, using Iori's superior sweeping range to cross the mostly inaccessible distance between characters.  
Kyo blocked, and then countered with a low attack of his own, which had Kyo drop to the ground and sweep two kicks under Iori. The first kick fell short completely, and the second kick moved in...  
*Hraaah!* Orochi Iori spun into the air, blasting Kyo three separate times with the trails of purple fire that bled from the ground.  
No words were spoken among the combatants. Both were above such petty in-game taunting.  
Kyo recovered in time to block a fireball, and then jumped over the next projectile, landing just outside of Orochi Iori's anti-air range. Ranma didn't take the offensive, and waited as a flaming hook launched toward him.  
Iori slid through Kyo and the attack, and then pummeled his opponent from behind, hitting Kyo with Iori's own three-stage combo before Kyo could recover from the first miss of his own.  
Kyo got up and tried to roll through Ranma's defenses, only to be grabbed in the midst of his maneuver and thrown aside.  
Blitz began sweating. Iori launched himself at the downed Kyo, and Blitz delayed his getup before using his own uppercut maneuver to blast Orochi Iori away, scoring his first clean hit in the battle.  
  
Behind the two foes, the gathered L33T watched in amazement as Blitz, for all intents and purposes, got ownzed quite badly.  
"T-To do so well on the first round..." Gatt gaped.  
"And with Orochi Iori, no less." Jack added, aghast.  
Largo was somewhat impressed as well, but still shook his head hopelessly. "He is doing well, but for how long will it last? Against an opponent such as Blitz, I ph33r even Ranma's 1n5an3 5|1llz will proving lacking."  
  
'I cannot lose to him! I won't lose!' Blitz snarled and tapped the control stick up and down, sending him into a lighting-fast arc set to smash Ranma with an aerial attack.  
Orochi Iori rolled as soon as Kyo left the ground, and Ranma immediately entered the proper combination for Iori's ultimate technique.  
Blitz was petrified as he was grabbed from behind by the super, and Kyo met his end through the rather spectacular end of having CPR applied to his chest via fiery explosions.  
Ranma sighed contentedly. "That's what happens when you underestimate me. Or was that really your best?"  
Blitz grit his teeth. "Don't gloat yet, Saotome. This is nothing. It is the next match alone that will determine your place."  
The tension rose as both players returned their fierce gazes to the machine.  
"Ranma! Ranma! You're so cool! Here's round two! B347downz that fool!!"  
"Squeak! Squeak! Squeeeeeeeek!!"  
Largo rolled his eyes, annoyed. "Seriously you two, cut that out."  
  
The electricity in the air was... different, this time. Ranma could feel it. Ryu opened with a fireball, and Iori waited until the last moment before rolling past it, rolling straight into a perfectly timed uppercut. Ryu crowded his opponent on the ground, and was thrown aside on Iori's recovery.  
Fireball.  
Uppercut.  
Back kick.  
High punch.  
Roundhouse.  
Low sweep.  
Beads of perspiration slid down Ranma's forehead as his health meter dipped lower and lower. His hands began to form jerky and awkward motions, and Ranma was caught in a helicopter kick as a result.  
Orochi Iori landed on the ground, and Ranma gulped inwardly. Both players were using the most sacred Capcom groove, and Blitz's bar was full. Why, then, had he not done the full chain combo and scored the free one or two hits with Ryu's Shin Shoryuken?  
Ryu crowded Iori's fallen form, and Ranma prepared to throw him again. The proper joystick movements and button combinations were made.  
Ryu's aura flashed, and his groove meter drained empty.  
*Shin Shoryuken!!*  
Ranma jerked back awkwardly as Orochi Iori was slammed hard by the super-uppercut, and watched helplessly as his life bar petered out just short of complete exhaustion.  
Orochi Iori recovered. Ryu moved in for the kill.  
'Damn! This just isn't working! I have to come up with a new strategy, or I'm done for!'  
Ryu jumped, fired, and pressed his attacks, trying to work his way through Iori's defense.  
'I have a full super bar. Maybe I could... no. I couldn't take him out, and I can't bet the outcome of this battle on one super combo!'  
Blitz grit his teeth in frustration, finding out firsthand how hard it was to catch a Saotome fighter when he was on the run. The fact that Orochi Iori traded all his potential ratio 4 'upgrades' for pure speed didn't help either. It seemed that Ranma simply couldn't be hit, so long as he didn't worry about landing any strikes either.  
'There must be a way! Use the 5|1||z! Search deep inside yourself!' Ranma adopted a serene look and gently closed his eyes. Much to Blitz's frustration, this didn't seem to hinder his ability to keep dodging at all.  
  
Jack was tugging nervously on one of the numerous metal objects that looked to have been jammed through his chin. "This is crazy. Does he really think he can win?"  
Largo shook his head. "He is still young, and inexperienced. Strong, but Blitz is a great enemy. I ph33r he was not ready for this 7ri4l."  
Gatt shifted his gaze to Ghost uneasily. "What do you think?"  
Ghost continued looking at the battle in mild interest, as he had been doing all along. "It is concluding. The end is at hand."  
  
"Let us end this!" Blitz growled, "You have too little life left! I will defeat you, or you can dodge until time runs out and I'll win anyway! Fail with honor, scrub!"  
Ranma's eyes shot open, and he nodded. "Indeed. Let us proceed with the b347downz."  
Blitz grinned and dashed toward Ranma, keeping himself at a good distance to block should his opponent activate his super combo. He didn't even notice Ranma glowing.  
Orochi Iori flashed, arms held over his head. Blitz grinned, and shifted into his block with plenty of time to spare. He would be safe.  
Then he blinked. Iori remained in place, and purple ribbons of flame began shooting up around him, building higher and thicker. Then the actual arcade MACHINE started glowing lightly with a blue aura.  
"Wh-What the hell?!"  
Ranma's hand flashed over the controls. "Now, feel the true power of the Orochi! Blood Rage!!"  
Orochi Iori screamed fiercely, and then blurred across the screen, leaving the traditional trail of afterimages behind him, and stopping suddenly on the other side of Ryu, crouched low to the ground.  
*Shrak!!* *BOOOOOM!!!* A thick bright slash covered Ryu's sprite for a moment, and then the hallmark of the Street Fighter series exploded into a pyre of purple flame, numerous explosions booming on the machine's speakers.  
Blitz's eyes were wide as dinner plates as his life gauge shrank down to nothing.  
"It is done!" Ranma shouted firmly.  
"What the HELL?!?!" Blitz shouted, "That's not even a real move!! And I was blocking too!!"  
Gatt and Jack looked just as bewildered. "Yeah... that's not in the game..." "Is that cheating then? Or a glitch? I mean, how did he-"  
"For one such as I," Ranma interrupted, "it is possible to link mind, body, and, through the use of ki, soul to the gaming conduit in entirety. Thus, it is possible to literally become one with the game." He let a smirk cross his face at Blitz's look of disbelief. "In such a state, it is a simple matter to 0wnz0r commoners such as you."  
Blitz looked about ready to argue the point, but suddenly, Ghost stepped forward, and then got down on one knee. "Such is the power of 7H3 [H053|\| 1. I submit myself to you, great Master."  
Gatt, Jack, and Blitz all developed the look of awed realization as they remembered what the match had meant.  
"Master!"  
"[H053|\| 1!"  
"I'm sorry! I admit defeat! J00 truly r0x0r!"  
Ghost stood up one more, smiling mysteriously. "I could see it in you. You have much strength. The future of the L33T is with you, Master."  
Ranma chuckled to himself as the other three began groveling at his feet. Then he turned as Largo clapped a hand on his shoulder.  
Largo grinned. "Well played, my student! Our first task in complete!"  
Usagi took some time to run down Largo's arm and settle herself on Ranma's shoulder. "You did great!"  
Ranma nodded. "And now we must track down the 3v1| z0m8i3 horde and defeat their dark queen, correct?"  
"Yes," Largo agreed, looking at his watch. "But we'd better hurry. It's past noon already."  
"Right. Past noo-" Ranma stopped talking, then brought up his own watch. "By Sega's grave! I've got a date!" He looked down at the teenagers still bowing to him. "Uh, look guys, I'd love to stop the undead swarm that threatens to kill us all and lead you L33T into a new golden age and stuff, but there are these two really hot girls that I've got to go meet up with in the park."  
Blitz laughed and waved it off. "Don't mention it. Priorities and all that."  
Gatt, Jack, and even Ghost all nodded somberly.  
"Oh yeah!" Ranma slapped a fist into his other palm, and then pointed to Gatt and Jack. "And I need to borrow you two."  
__________________________________________________________________________________  
  
*Ring!-Ring!* Shampoo's bicycle bell gave a split second warning to clear the area right before her bicycle crashed down to the walk below, threatening injury or worse to any foolish enough to bar its path.  
While her bicycle had a rather terrifying reputation, Shampoo herself was boasting not an iota of the exotic danger and prideful fierceness of the traditional Chinese Amazon warrior.  
The lovely Amazon would, on a romantic outing in her own land, don a long, sleeveless, form-hugging silk dress covered with elaborate designs, and take her betrothed on a long walk in an herb garden, or perhaps have tea with him in a private room.  
Shampoo was wearing black spandex bike shorts that ended mid-thigh and a small red crop top that opted for maximum cleavage, along with some simple flip-flop sandals in preparation for a quick lunch and a movie, and hopefully some comfortable cuddling afterward.  
Assimilation is a beautiful thing.  
Shampoo was in extremely high spirits today, and was already planning through all the things she could do for Ranma during their date. Obviously, Ranma was going to get in a lot of trouble for taking her out, and she had to make sure he didn't regret the decision.  
Shampoo frowned. She had ALWAYS tried the hardest to please him out of all his suitors. Why was he responding now? She shrugged off the mystery after a moment. So long as he kept responding, who cared why?  
Ranma had held her! Ranma had flirted with her! Shopped with her! And then he had asked her on a real date! She was the happiest girl in the world, and as soon as she set her eyes on her beloved, she'd show him EXACTLY how happy he'd made her!  
...... Right after she found out what Ukyo was doing at their meeting place. *Ring!-Ring!*  
  
Ukyo had learned long ago that a bicycle bell from above was an invitation to be used as a launch pad, and swung her spatula around to shield her face, grunting as the full weight of the Amazon warrior and her favorite medium of transportation pressed against the face of her weapon.  
With a mighty shove, Shampoo and her bike were sent in the opposite direction. Much to the chef's frustration, Shampoo merely did a handstand on the bicycle seat, then held it and flipped over, landing easily on her feet and holding the bicycle over her shoulder.  
Glares were exchanged.  
{"What spatula girl doing here?"}  
Ukyo raised an eyebrow, then lowered her head and smirked. She knew that if Shampoo knew that she had a date with Ranma, the Amazon would try to break it up, but then again, sabotage attempts were practically a sure thing in this situation anyway, so she might as well exercise bragging rights.  
{"I'll have you know that I've got a date with Ranma-honey, sugar. Now move along, would ya? Three's a crowd, ya know."}  
Ukyo smiled slyly and tossed her long chestnut hair over her shoulder. The girl was wearing tight jeans, sneakers, and simple white tank top that didn't quite show off her breasts as well as Shampoo's own dress. However, that was the last concern the Amazon had at the moment.  
{"What you talking? Ranma ask Shampoo to date!"} Shampoo frowned. The way the okinomiyaki chef had said it seemed to shout out that she believed what she was saying, and Shampoo didn't give Ukyo enough credit to think that she might just be lying convincingly.  
Ukyo apparently didn't think quite as much of Shampoo's performance. {"What? You're lying! Ranma's going out with ME!!"}  
Shampoo's eyes narrowed. {"Something not right here. Why airen ask you out when has Shampoo? And at same time?"}  
Ukyo blinked repeatedly. {"That's crazy! With how long it took Ranma to give one of us a chance, there's no way he'd have the gall to do something like that! I think you're making this up!"} Eyes heated, Ukyo brought her battle spatula into the ready position.  
Shampoo gave her rival an annoyed glare. {"Shampoo not lie! And unless spatula girl too good actor, Shampoo no think you lie either!"}  
Ukyo was a bit taken aback by the seriousness in her voice, and lowered her weapon. {"Well, then there's no way he could actually plan on showing up. Which means... he stood us up!"}  
Shampoo blinked. {"Why airen do that?"}  
Ukyo growled. {"There's only one possible reason! He's doing something that he wants to be absolutely sure we won't interfere in! Like... like...!"} Ukyo gasped, and held a hand to her mouth. {"What if there's another wedding that we didn't know about?!"}  
Shampoo went wide-eyed. {"Aiyah!! This not be!"} Shampoo dropped her bike in shock, then fell to her knees, punching the ground angrily. {"Ranma ditch Shampoo to marry violent girl!"}  
Ukyo choked out a muffled sob, and tears started welling up below her eyes. {"He played on our emotions so that he could marry that treacherous brat Akane!"} She wiped the first tears from her eyes, but she knew that it would be useless before the torrent to come.  
{"Oh, come ON! Give me SOME credit here!"}  
Both girls stopped their anguished displays, and slowly turned to see Ranma staring flatly at them, arms crossed.  
Shampoo turned back to Ukyo. {"Next time, you keep crackpot theory to self."}  
Ukyo sighed. {"Yeah, yeah. Okay, I'm sorry. But I believe that now we have a job to do."} She recovered her spatula from where she had dropped it on the ground. {"Oh RanCHAN, what's the meaning of this?"}  
Not for the first time, Ranma marveled at the Amazons' ability to produce large weapons from nowhere as Shampoo brandished her bonbori. {"Ranma just play with Shampoo feeling, Ranma get hurt big time."}  
Ranma sweatdropped. At the speed they were advancing, he wouldn't have much time to defend himself (verbally, at least). Luckily, he had an ace up his sleeve.  
{"Wow, 8483z 4h0y!"}  
{"Hey cutie, how 'bout we go 'upload' some 'hardware' into your 'drive', eh?"}  
Both girls stopped and blinked at the unfamiliar voices, then whirled around to look at the new spectators.  
{"Gyah!!"} {"Aiyah!!"} *Double-glomp*  
Ranma smiled as both young women attached themselves to his sids, their faces a bit pale. Jack and Gatt stood three meters away grinning at them, the latter with his shirt off to reveal a patchwork of colorful and generally distasteful tattoos.  
{"Sweet mother! Why would anyone do that to himself?!"} Ukyo exclaimed, staring at Gatt in horrified fascination.  
{"What happen? It look like boy get in fight with staple gun and lose!"} Shampoo felt a bit sick looking at all the various piercings, especially those in the tongue and around the neck.  
Both boys sweatdropped, looking embarrassed, humiliated, rejected, and incredibly stupid at the same time.  
'Phase 1, complete.' Ranma thought, then cleared his throat. {"Yo, would you guys mind leaving now? I need to talk to the girls here."}  
Both boys were quick to leave, embarrassed at the girls' reactions.  
Shampoo and Ukyo watched them leave as if they were looking at the scene of a horrible accident, unable to tear their eyes away from the grotesque images set before them.  
{"Girls? We need to talk."}  
They oriented on Ranma immediately, never giving the newcomers another thought. Their previous anger quickly returned, though now that they had already stopped advancing on Ranma, they felt obligated to wait to hear what he had to say.  
Ranma sighed. {"Look. I know that, well... for a long time now, I've been ignoring you two. Well, maybe it's not so much as NOW, as it is that I've always kind of ignored you two."}  
Both girls frowned, rolling his words over in their minds, and felt their anger slowly drain away.  
{"Now let's be honest. You two have always been there for me. You guys cook for me, you help me in fights, you're by my side trying to give your all 24-7. And then what do I do in return? Huh?"}  
That made the girls stop frowning. Each of them were growing very, VERY curious as to where he was going with this.  
{"I mean, I've acted like a complete jerk,"} Ranma admitted somberly, {"sure, you're not perfect, but it's like ALL you do is try to please me. I mean, it gets out of hand, sure, but you do all that stuff for ME."}  
Ranma looked at Shampoo. {"Shampoo, you offered me a temporary cure for my curse if I went out with you. And then I broke it up to try and help Akane with a stupid mess that she got herself into anyway. I'm sorry."} He didn't bring up how Shampoo hadn't told HIM it was temporary; he was trying to make a point here.  
Then he looked at Ukyo. {"Ukyo, after we met, I went out with you to try and get back at Akane for going out with Ryoga. I didn't give you or your feelings a second thought; it was just a way to get Akane mad. I'm sorry."} He didn't add that he found out later how Ukyo had set up Akane and Ryoga's date herself so that the whole thing would fall together just the way it did. Prudence was key, here.  
Ranma sighed once again. {"Yeah, well, I'm done with Akane. If I touch her, she flattens me, if I insult her, she flattens me, and if I try to ignore her, she flattens me. It's a lot of trouble and no reward. I've decided it's time to move on."} He looked up at them. {"You two do so much for me, and try so hard, and I don't give nothing in return. Well, enough of that!"}  
Ukyo sniffled and wiped a tear from her eye. It was so beautiful! Then she caught Shampoo's uneasy glance toward her. {"Okay... Ranchan, that's great! But... still, why are we both here?"}  
Ranma scratched the back of his head nervously. {"Well, it's like this. I'm dumping Akane for good, but that don't mean I've chosen anyone, and I'm not ready for marriage. And... well... look, I can't make up for all the grief you two have been through because of... or actually, for me, but I can promise you that I'm prepared to go out with you both, get to know you, and make a fair decision. So how 'bout it? Do you guys forgive me?"} He looked up hopefully.  
Ukyo couldn't help but tremble as a warm, happy glow enveloped her body. Grabbing Ranma into a loving embrace, she shouted happily, {"Of course I'll forgive you! Ranchan, there's nothing to forgive! All I ever wanted was a chance!"} She took several deep breaths in Ranma's arms before adding at a whisper, {"A real chance..."}  
Shampoo's appreciation wasn't nearly so subtle. {"Shampoo forgive Ranma! Ranma make Shampoo so happy!"} Shampoo grabbed onto the other side of Ranma roughly, forcing Ukyo to give up some of her beloved's body.  
As the two girls began glaring at each other, Ranma grinned widely and held them both closer to himself.  
Shampoo smirked even as an electric spark formed between the two young women. {"Spatula girl have no chance. Shampoo make Ranma so happy, he no able think straight!"}  
{"Oh yeah,"} Ukyo growled, {"just wait! By the time I'm done with him, he won't even remember your name!"}  
Ranma chuckled lightly to himself, which both girls were far too distracted to notice. {"So, let's go get some ice cream, eh?"}  
  
Atop a business building nearby, a lone figure watched in mild fascination.  
At a passing glance there was very little noticeable about her, save for the fact that she was sitting on the roof of a four-story office building. She was wearing a simple blouse and long blue skirt with long boots, complemented by long, horizontally-striped socks. Her face seemed to have an excess of eyeshadow and seemed a bit pale, but most notable of all was the long black ribbons entwined in her hair, so straight and undisturbed that they seemed to actually be a part of it.  
Miho Tohya's eyes narrowed at the young man walking along in the park with the two girls in his arms.  
"I see. So Largo thinks to face me after all. Very interesting."  
One of her eyebrows rose as she stretched her senses out. "And such a powerful ally he has. It appears my little L33Tmaster may be more than he seems..."  
The dark queen slowly brought herself to her feet, and let her gaze drop to the streets.  
Sitting on a sidewalk bench, Miho noticed a short-haired girl nursing a bruised fist while half-shouting, half-muttering to herself. Next to her, a utility pole was bent at shoulder level with a huge dent in it.  
"Love breeds hate, and happiness spreads discontent." The very smallest ghost of a smile crossed her face. "The storm is coming, Largo-san, and soon, the L33T will be no more. Prepare yourself..."  
And with that, Tohya Miho stepped off of the building, and began a four-story descent to the hard, paved impact.  
  
**********************************************************************************  
  
End Chapter 4 


End file.
